Cuts,Bruises and Scars
by jazz91121
Summary: Allen Walker was always alone. Until he met Kanda Yuu, the hottest guy in school. One day Kanda got a hold of Allen's black and gray notebook. Allen desperately tried to get the notebook back from Kanda before it was too late. What did Allen have to hide?
1. The beginning of the end

**Hey sorry guys :P Here ya go**

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**Cuts, Bruises and Scars**

_The knife looked dull at first. Before I picked it up. The bruises they don't bother me because they're covered up. The scars are faded memories of days I almost died. The pain is just a memory, my crying is a lie. They may have beat my body, until I'm bleeding red. I may have lay there dying, but I'm not really dead. I went to school and struggled, to keep up with my lies. I heard their voices in my head, and still I didn't cry. I may not have the strength to stop the cuts and bruises and scars. Let them be a memory, of how I haven't died. So I wish for all of you to see. That those cuts and bruises and scars. Are what make you beautiful. So please, please, don't cry._

Hi. My name is Allen Walker and I am 16 years old. That thing you just read is actually a poem I wrote myself. Not that anyone would care. I go to school at The Black Order, a high society school that has many people. I'm a sophomore here at this school with many "Friends." I'm not really sure anymore what I'm going to do. I mean yeah

I think that I could do things but… I'm not the kind of person to stand up and do something about it. I'm really just a lonely sad person that hides behind a mask that doesn't last. The mask I have on now is slowly breaking and the smile I'm faking is slowly wavering and now everyone seems to be able to read my emotions. I'm slowly spiraling out of control and I can't hold on to the railing.

I need something to hold on to, I need someone to hold me, I need somewhere I can be safe. I pray and pray and pray for the pain to go away but it hasn't happened yet because I'm still here and upset. The world is full of darkness now and when there is light it never comes around but that's okay because I'm blind anyway forever trapped in the darkness and despair.

The walls of my world are all tumbling down and now the remains end up on the ground but I guess that's the way it was going to be in my city of my greatest fear. Me. Yup that's my greatest fear. Who am I that I could wish to fly so high yet I have never seen the sky whether it be day or night. I have no pain. Just the pain in my chest but I'm used to that already.

These are my thoughts as I walk the halls of Black Order high, heading towards one of my least favorite classes. Social studies. I have history with Lavi, Lenalee and Miranda and that's all good but of course I have to be sitting by Yuu Kanda, the stoic samurai that always has a sword.

He always calls me Moyashi, and it ticks me off. He also knows that I write things in my notebook that aren't really for school. Yeah I write but not that often. I rarely have time anymore with how much Cross, my guardian, beats me. That poem you read?

That was one referring to me I guess. I wrote it in my tattered black and gray notebook that everyone knows I carry around with me. Why would they care any way as long as I get good grades? They all think I'm innocent Allen that is always happy. Ha funny. On the outside I am.

I sighed right before I walked into the classroom then put on my usual "smile" and walked in. I walked over to my seat and sat down, pulling out my black and gray notebook and starting to write a new poem. Kanda sneered at me. "Hey Moyashi? What are you writing? Something as girly as your face looks?"

I sighed quietly to myself so that he couldn't hear then I turned and smiled at him. "Look who's talking. With that long hair and girly face, I'm surprised they didn't send you to the girls dorm on the first day." He gaped at me and I turned away. Okay so not entirely true.

He was the hottest guy in school and he definitely had a defined face but he did have long hair though it complemented him quite well. The teacher droned on about something that involved math and that's when I had another idea for a poem….

**My Words, What they say**

_I may not know math, or chemistry, of atoms or ions or more, but when I have a pen in hand, I create much more. I write my true feelings, words I wish I would say, my pain is in slashes and lines, and maybe someday, I'll give them away, but for now, my dear notebook is mine. So if you wish to see, the real, deep down, true me, then steal my notebook away. But until that day, when you steal away, my feelings and my thoughts, I'll keep writing words to you, that I wish I could say, for if I did then maybe, you might fall in love with me. Because sadly for me, when you're around me, I have nothing intelligent to say._

I saw Kanda out of the corner of my eye. Crap. I think I may be in love…..


	2. The Nightmare that came to life

**So sorry for last time. Uh not sure what happened but ya know. We are all human after all. Thanks for reading! Review! Any Ideas?**

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**Tears, Fears, and everything in between.**

_The tears of my depression, cascade like water falls. My fears, My resurrection, complete, yet make me fall. Though no one sees my crying, they see me with my smile. The razor blade that I pick up helps me keep my smile. Everything spiraling out of control. They ask if I'm okay. I guess I'm not with all my tears, my fears, and everything in between._

So can you tell that I cut? Or think about things I shouldn't? Yeah I thought so. I really shouldn't like Kanda because everyone knows that he is with Mary, some random girl that he likes. I shouldn't feel this way but I can't help it. What is this feeling? This tightening in my chest? Its physical pain I think. But it's caused by my emotions. I tried to forget him, push him out of my mind. It's really quite hard you know. Trying to forget him. He's everywhere. No matter where I look. Every time I think about him my chest tightens. My breathing becomes labored. And of course he doesn't know. I can't meet his eyes either. He has really pretty eyes. They are like the sea that swallow you whole. Long black lashes rim his eyes making him look mysterious and hidden. When he closes his eyes his long black lashes brush his cheeks. A strong jaw, a long straight nose, full lips, and straight white teeth. Strong broad shoulders and long legs that carry him gracefully. Long midnight hair that streams down his back. I love hearing him laugh. I of course don't want to admit these things. I really can't help it. What I hadn't told you earlier, sense we had such a brief introduction, is that I have known Kanda for at least two years? Now I know I act like I haven't really known him but I have. Now then. I still have to act like I don't love him. I mean really I am hopeless. Hmm that's quite familiar. Right now I'm in creative writing so I have a chance to write some more poems. I hope that the teacher doesn't read these though. I guess I'm just self-concise. Luckily Kanda isn't in this class and he doesn't know I'm in this class either. The only people in this class are Lenalee, Miranda, Johnny, and some other kids that I don't really know.

**Inspiration**

_You inspire me. Sometimes its good, Sometimes its bad, but I write it all down, though it makes me sad, Because somehow I learned, to escape all these words, by writing them on paper instead. Though bad thoughts fill my head, as I lay in bed, You inspire me to write what I do. So until I stop writing, my hands are so frightening, I'll get inspiration from you._

I sighed. This really sucks. "Hey Allen! What are you writing about?!" asked Lenalee excitedly. I smiled at her. Lenalee was one of my only true friends and I was grateful to her for that. She also knew I liked Kanda. I still wouldn't want her to know about my poems though. "Just some random poems." I said closing my notebook. The bell rang and we walked out of class together. "Let's go get something to eat!" She said jumping slightly when Miranda appeared out of seemingly nowhere. "C-can I come too?" Miranda asked nervously. I smiled. "Sure Miranda. Where are we going to eat?" Lenalee slammed her locker closed and slung her book bag over her shoulder. "I think we should go to The Demon's Place." Miranda gave her a weird look so I decided to explain. "It's a new place in the corner of town. I'm not really sure why they named it that but I know the owners and they're pretty cool." She nodded and we walked to Lenalee's car. "Is it cool if we meet up with Kanda and Lavi?" Lenalee asked me, turning her unnatural purple eyes on me. "Yeah that would be fine." I said politely looking out the window. Inside I was totally freaking out. Kanda?! And Lavi? Wait I'm fine with Lavi being there but Kanda? Really?! The drive to the café was agonizingly slow. Not that I wanted to get there first or anything. Nope not at all. When we got there I saw Kanda and Lavi sitting in the corner booth. We walked over and I turned away for one second. The next thing I knew there was only one place left to sit. Right. Next. To. Kanda. Crap. I sat down and accidentally bumped his leg. "Watch it Moyashi." He growled. I smirked. "Is someone being a little touchy?" I asked teasing him. All he did was his usual "Che," and then he turned toward the menu. I sighed. Kanda wasn't exactly my friend because of how popular he was but he didn't really like it. He was my worst nightmare come to life. That made me think of something. "Sorry guys I have to go or Cross will get mad at me." They smiled at me, with the exception of Kanda. "Bye Allen!" "Bye Allen-chan!" I smiled at them. I stood up and walked over to the front of the store. I was late and it wasn't going to be pretty. Hopefully he wasn't home.

**Nightmare**

_Nightmares are things that haunt your dreams, they leave you in despair. They take your fears and make you see them over in repeat. But the worst kind of nightmare there is, are the ones that learn to speak. The nightmare that my brain has spun, it haunts me everywhere. No matter where I try to run, in vain I get nowhere. So what could I be talking about? Why it's the worst nightmare of all. The one that lives and breathes your air, the one that's after you all. Boo._

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**Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews! I hope you like the chapter! Review for more! I don't own D-Gray man by the way. Just the poems and the plot.**


	3. Someone lost their secret

**Heyo peoples! Thanks so much for the awesome support. Any ideas? Anything you guys want to see me write? Review! Hope you enjoy and tell me what you think of the poems! Thanks guys!**

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**Darkness**

_The treacherous black abyss, has given me death's kiss. The taste was bitter sweet and it gave my soul its rest. So if I passed the test, please leave me in darkness, Because dear sir I lay, and dream the day away._

Now you might be wondering why I have to hurry home. My guardian, Marian Cross, has always had a… um drinking problem. I have a curfew that I have to make sure I follow and if I'm late then I'm in huge trouble. My foster father Mana had died years ago, when I was about six years old.

Here's a flash back…_ He sat quietly in his room, silent tears streaming down his face. Outside the window, lightning and thunder created a dangerous light show, the clouds their background. He had to keep quiet so that the neighbors wouldn't hear him. His arm still stung and he prayed that his dad would stay downstairs. He was shaking, shaking at any slight sound, curling in on himself. _

_No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't forget that voice downstairs, yelling and crying, angry and sad. "Lord please help me with that brat, he just makes me so angry Lord." Those words said in an angry, crying voice, struggling with not screaming. _

_So he was a brat. He ran his fingers lightly over the fresh scratches that marred his deadly pale skin. What could he do to easy his dad's agony? He could run away. No he didn't have the courage. He could kill himself. No he didn't have the courage for that either. _

_He obviously talked too much but he couldn't stop. He couldn't take back those horrible words he had said. He couldn't get them out of his head….._. _That was the night Mana died. I had a fight with him and he hurt me for the first time. I was so upset and I said some pretty horrible things. _

_He slammed the door and left the house. I decided after a time that I would go after him. I got up and went downstairs and out the front door. As I was walking a gang jumped me and dragged me into and old abandoned building. Then I saw him. They had captured Mana and there was blood everywhere. "Allen….run" He said coughing up more blood. Then I screamed. _

_"Mana! Mana! I'm sorry! I love you Mana please don't go! THIS ISN'T FAIR! YOU'RE TAKING MY ONLY FRIEND HERE ON EARTH AWAY FROM ME! HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS! It's not fair. It's not fair! Don't take him from me! I need him! Please don't go Mana. Please stay. He loves me here on earth. He can hold me. Please. Don't take him from me. I think I'll go insane. Unless I already have. I can't stand it anymore." I was sobbing by now. _

_Mana hadn't heard any of that because he was already gone. The gang took me and carved a scar down my cheek. My hair, which had been brown, turned and unnatural white. They even went as far as to burn my arm. That is why I where my gloves. That is why Kanda will never love me….._End of Flashback.

Cross found me and took me in but that didn't mean he was a good guardian. I had to learn to gamble because of all his debts. Now I never lose a game of cards. I hurried home and then quietly opened the front door. "ALLEN! WH-WHERE AREEEE YOUUU?!" Cross was home.

And he sounded really drunk. "I'm right here master." I said quietly, hoping that he wouldn't hurt me. "YOU LITTLE SLUT! WHERE YOU BEEN?!" I sighed. This wasn't going to end well. "I was out with me friends." Slap. "I don't care you slut. Go clean up the house." He kicked me and started beating me, reopening wounds that were still fresh.

I didn't cry out because I knew that would make it worse. After he finished beating me, he flopped onto the couch and fell asleep. I winced as I moved standing and limping my way up the stairs. Somehow I managed to bandage myself up and to clean the house, which really wasn't that big.

I decided that I wanted to write some more poems so I want downstairs and searched for my notebook. Then I realized something. I left it at the café….

**Kanda' Point of view (Just because I want to) **I sighed. I think that Lavi has lost whatever brains he had in his small head. Lenalee had invited Lavi and I to The Demon's Place to eat with Allen, and Miranda. I didn't really want them to know.

Lenalee had also invited "Mary" but I told her that "Mary" was busy. Honestly I don't have a girlfriend. The only one that knew that I didn't was Lavi and Lenalee. She had invited "Mary" so that Miranda and Allen wouldn't know my secret.

About a year ago, Lavi decided that because I didn't want to be surrounded by girls, he would spread a rumor that I had a girlfriend. It worked and they distanced themselves though not by much. When we got to the café we walked to the corner booth and sat down.

Lenalee, Allen and Miranda walked in. Lenalee sat down next to Lavi and Miranda sat next to Lenalee and the next thing that happened was Allen walked up. The only spot left was the one next to me. He sat down, accidentally bumping my leg. "Watch it Moyashi." I growled at him. I'm not even sure why I did it. He smirked and then said "Is someone being a little touchy?" All I did was "Che" and then turn to the menu.

I had gotten a weird feeling when he had touched my leg. "Sorry guys I have to go or Cross will get mad at me." Allen said standing up. They smiled at him, with the exception of me. I don't smile. I just "Che'd" and watched as Allen left. "Bye Allen!" "Bye Allen-chan!" Allen smiled and then hurried away.

I looked down at the place Allen had been sitting at. There, sitting on the bench was Allen's prized black and gray notebook. The one that he carried with him everywhere. "Bye Yuu-chan!" Lavi said smiling brightly. "Don't call me that Baka Usagi." I growled unsheathing Mugen, my trusty sword, and putting the blade under his chin. "O-okay Kanda." He said gulping.

I picked up Allen's notebook._ "I'll let him come to me."_ I thought to myself. When I got home I threw the notebook on the counter. The notebook hit the counter softly and then fell open. The title of the page was called Memories. I couldn't help it. I started to read.

**Memories**

_Memories are painful. Memories are sad. Many of your memories may make you mad. Of course there are the good ones. The thoughts that make you glad. That you were born a human. And of course that you're not dead. I know right now you're hurting. But open up your heart. To someone who won't hurt you. Or tear you heart apart. Your memories will get better. I promise that you'll see. That memories are happy, and they won't make you bleed._

My eyes widened. Allen wrote this? But he's always so happy! And who was he referring to? I put the notebook down and sighed. I'll find out somehow. I didn't know Allen had so much to hide. Suddenly I heard my cellphone ring.

"What." I said impatiently. "Aww Yuu-chan! Is that how you greet your best friend?!" The annoying rabit said over the phone. "Do not call me that or you will be killed slowly and painfully by my hands." I growled at him. "What do you want?" I asked him, massaging my temple. I already had a headache.

"I was wondering if tomorrow you wanted to go and meet up at my cabin because it's going to be the weekend and its close to your…" I cut him off. "No absolutely not." I could hear him crying. "But Yuu-chan! Please! Allen will be there and so will Lenalee and Miranda." I sighed.

He wouldn't leave me alone. "Fine. But no celebrating anything. It's just a weekend in your cabin. Okay?" I said firmly. He sighed. "Yuu I think it's a bad thing that you don't talk about….." He trailed off. "I do not have a reason to. Goodbye Lavi." I was seriously pissed now. "Okay Yuu-chan. Bye Bye!" He tried to get his earlier mood back but he sounded strained. "Bye." I hung up and sighed.

What was I going to do?

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**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Review! I don't own D-gray man just the poems.**


	4. Shared Secrets

**Hey guys! I'm so glad that you guys like this story! If you have any questions, just ask and any requests for me to write something then ask away! I don't own D-Gray man just the poems. Thanks! By the way these next poems are referring to the poem "We wear the mask" By Paul Laurence Dun Bar.**

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**Eyes**

_~Bright Blue eyes that shine so bright, even when you're frightened, they still keep their light, Your mask is quite dainty, almost real, not a fake, but underneath that happy smile and bright blue eyes we see, sad, dark grey blue eyes that have seen too much pain. _

_~Brown eyes in a colored face. You feel like such a big disgrace. You get hurt every day and you wish for another way. So you pick up your mask and the world sees a smile. Just like the poem says "With torn and bleeding hearts, we smile."_

_~Hazel eyes in a hollow face. Hollow Face about to break. Hand holding mask as though not to break. The world sees a smile but I see a fake. I see the tears that you hide and store away. You save them all for another day. So no one sees you break or cry. "But let the world dream otherwise. We wear the mask."_

I sighed. Why did I have to be so stupid as to forget my notebook at that place? I had gone back to The Demon's Place and asked around for the precious black and gray notebook.

No one had seen it except for one person and they said that a guy with long hair walked out with it. That only meant one thing. Kanda had found my notebook. I was headed toward my work the next day after school.

It was a Friday and Lavi had invited Lenalee, Kanda, and I to his cabin for the weekend. I was really worried that Kanda had read some of the poems but for one, I didn't know where he lived. I also was too scared to go and ask him about it.

I was hoping that he would bring the notebook when we went to the cabin but if he didn't… I'm doomed. After work that day I walked around back and grabbed my coat. "Bye Tim!" I shouted to my boss. "Bye Allen!" He yelled back as the door slammed shut. I felt my cellphone buzz. "Hello?" I said, putting the phone to my ear so I could grab my car keys.

"Hey Allen-chan! Where are you?" Lavi asked me excitedly. "I'm on my way home from work why?" I said putting the car in drive and pulling out of the parking lot. **(Okay guys sorry I forgot to mention that Allen is now 17 and can drive. This is a few weeks later from the beginning of the story.) **

"Can we meet up before we go to the cabin?" Lavi asked me. "Uh sure I guess. Where are we meeting up at?" There was a pause and then "How about that ice cream shop near your house?" I stopped at the red light. "Sure. I'll be there in a bit." I said pulling forward. "Okay Allen-chan! See you there!" He said hanging up. I sighed. Please don't let Kanda be there…

**At the Ice Cream Shop**

I got out of my car and looked around for Lavi. That's when I saw Kanda. His long hair was pulled back into a ponytail and he was wearing a black leather jacket with skinny jeans and black combat boots. He had a black messenger bag slung over his shoulder.

None of that mattered though. Inside his messenger bag was a black and gray notebook. MY black and gray notebook. On the outside I pretended that I hadn't noticed the notebook. I smiled at Lavi and Lenalee. As soon as Lavi and Lenalee walked away I roughly grabbed Kanda and fragged him into the bathroom. I turned around and locked the door.

"What the hell are you doing Moyashi?!" He growled at me. "Why do you have my notebook?" I shot back, growling and clenching my hands. "You're the one that forgot it." He said smirking. "Give it back." I said, holding out my hand for it. I watched as his facial expressions changed.

"No. Why do you need it?" I sighed. "How much did you read?" "Enough. Why do you wear long sleeved shirts?" I quickly answered "I get cold easily." Kanda growled at me and then walked closer. "Liar. Why are you lying?" I closed my eyes. He was too close. "I'm not lying." He pinned my arms above my head. "Show me your arms then." I turned my head to the side, my eyes still tightly shut.

"So you're asking me to strip?" I asked, trying to change the subject. "You know what I meant." He said with a warning underlying his tone. "Why would you care?" I asked quietly. I was shocked with what I heard next. "I don't know. I get this weird feeling every time I'm around you and I just…I can't help it." I opened my eyes and looked into his eyes. He was being sincere.

He didn't know how to say it but he was being sincere. "Kanda you…" "Shut up." He said resting his head on my shoulder. "BANG, BANG, BANG" "ALLEN! KANDA!" Lavi yelled through the door. "Time to go!" "Okay be right there in a second." I yelled back, forcing a smile on to my face. I unlocked the door, thinking about what Kanda had said. Because we were so close to my house, I told Lavi that I would meet up with them so we could start the trip to the cabin. This was going to be a long weekend…..

A small part of the trip to the cabin…

"So what were you and Kanda doing?" Lavi asked me. Lavi, Lenalee and I were in one car and Kanda was in his own car. "I just had a question to ask him. It was nothing."**(We all know it wasn't nothing)**

Lavi smiled brightly. "No…..action?" I was seeing red. "Lavi! I will kill you!" I grabbed him by the neck and the car swerved. "I want to live!" Lenalee yelled from the back seat. "You're lucky you're driving." I growled turning and looking out the window. "Aww Allen-chan. Don't be mad at me." He said smiling. "Whatever." I muttered under my breath...

**If something bad happened to me…**

_If water was a kiss, I'd send you the sea. If a hug was a leaf, I'd send you a tree. If love was forever, I'd send you eternity – K. Martins. I think this applies to what I would do, if you loved me like I love you. If pain was a lie then maybe I'd die in peace. So leave me to rest you're not the best for me. Why would you care if I'm slowly dying? _

_In this despair I'm not trying anymore. So what would it be? If no one rescued me? Nothing no nothing would happen to me. No one would see all the stains that bleed. I fake it and take it because I'm afraid. But that's okay with me. Bleeding eternally. _

_So where would this put us if you saw this? Nowhere because really you don't care. Forever is a lonely word, a broken promise of two. Would you say that to me? Would it matter to you? Is it me? What did I do? Maybe if you tell me I would change for you. You look so sad and it hurts me too. Do you cry at night? I do. Do you need someone to care for you? Because I will if you ask me to. I really care for you why can't you care for me? I'm crying inside I'm breaking inside it hurts me so much I can't breathe. My heart feels like it's about to explode. I think I'm going to die of a broken heart. That's so sad that's so sad. This life is filled with hurt, when happiness doesn't work; Trust me and take my hand, when the lights go out you'll understand. The dreams are gone; midnight has come, the darkness is our new kingdom. Deep inside your eyes it shows, you've been lost for too long. _

_This loneliness is killing me, its filling me with anger and resentment…I'm turning into someone that I never thought I'd have to be again. There's blood in the air…there's death on the breeze. The bottom line is that we fall for the people we are not supposed to. _

_Isn't that so true? I wasn't meant to fall in love with you but I did and now it's slowly killing me. Why do I want to make you smile? Why do I want to make you laugh? I don't think this is fair to me or you. I must bother you too much. I'm sorry. _

_I wish I could apologize. I wish that I just hadn't cried. I wish that I had hid my pain. But instead I played a stupid game. I think I'm slowly going insane. I can't really feel the pain. I've gone insane. I'm so numb now. Is this the way it is supposed to be? What happened to me? I'm gone, I'm cold, I'm alone in a room full of people. Have you felt the way I do? _

_Help me is what I want to cry but instead I say "How can I help? What's wrong? Smile." when I can't do anything like that. I'm lying to everyone I meet. Liar. Shut up. Drama Queen. Ugly. Fat. Pathetic. Brat. Snot nosed brat. Immature. Stupid. Dumb. _

_He was like a shattered stained-glass window: something beautiful that's broken; a million colors fallen on the ground where no light can get through. Courage isn't having the strength to go on-it is going on when you don't have the strength. You go on. _

_You set one foot in front of the other, and if a thin voice cries out, somewhere behind you, you pretend not to hear, and keep going. I thought about the days I had handed over the bottle, the nights I can't remember, the mornings I slept through, all the time I spent running from myself. _

_I run and run and run trying to find a way. To escape escape escape from every day, from all the pain. There's nowhere to go. Nowhere to be. The lake of fire is all around me. I hope I could live for a little while longer but really I'm not getting stronger. Can I scream? Can I hurt? Can I break something please? I want to be free, from the chains that choke me and hold me. _

_This isn't something I can do alone. So where are you? I feel alone. This place hurts. This place is suffocating me. I can't stand in this world of mine. I think I may have a lonely tea party. You're invited too. Maybe we can talk sometime. I hope that time comes soon. What would happen if I slid a knife across my palm? Can I see myself bleed? I would want that I think._

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**Hope you enjoyed! Review and tell me what color eyes you have. I have hazel eyes.**


	5. The broken master peice

**Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews! I'm hoping this is a good chapter :D Shout out to Firediva0 for helping me! Thanks!**

**Crash and Burn**

_My heart feels like it might explode. On life's empty road I seek for rest, before I crash and burn. I can't feel my heart beat anymore, I might crash and burn. Can you hear it? My heart beat? It's beating too fast that I might crash and burn. But that's okay. Then I might learn. Not to crash and burn._

**Kanda's Point of View (Enjoy!)**

Every time I flipped through Allen's notebook I felt like I was Allen and I was feeling these emotions. He was always smiling so why did he feel this way? What was really happening?

I had read the poem that was on the first page. Cuts, Bruises and Scars. I wasn't sure if he was talking about himself in these poems or referring to anyone. When he had pulled me into the bathroom I knew he was going to ask for his notebook back. I don't even know why I wanted to keep it.

Maybe it's because I want to know what happened to him. Maybe I'll find something useful in here to help figure out what's wrong with Allen.

I honestly have no proof that Allen cuts other than the poems and the long sleeved shirts. Maybe he was telling the truth. I was going to find out.

I really meant those things I said to him although I'm not sure what it means. Does that mean that I like him? As more than a friend? I watched as Usagi swerved to the side a little because Allen had reached over towards him. I wonder what happened. I hope that I can figure out what's wrong with Allen.

All this sappy thinking may kill me. Ugh.

**At the Cabin!**

Lavi's cabin wasn't huge but it wasn't small either. The downside (or upside?) however was that there was only two bathrooms and three rooms. Lenalee of course got her own room.

Lavi wanted his own room because it was his cabin. That left one room with a king side bed. "I'll stay in the..." Allen started to say but was cut off by Lavi and Lenalee saying "No! You're staying in that room with Kanda whether you like it or not because you need to learn to get along."

Allen nodded and walked away. I glared at them but all they did was smile and walk away, muttering under their breaths. Oh no they must be planning something. This would not end well.

**Lavi's Point of View (Short but still)**

"Our plan is working perfectly." I said to Lenalee as we walked away from Kanda and Allen. We had both noticed that they always fought. That only meant one thing. They liked each other but they didn't know it. "I'm so excited! I hope they kiss!" Lenalee said, her yaoi fangirl pooping out. "Lenalee please calm down. I'm for them but that doesn't mean I want to see them kiss." I said rubbing my temples. Those images may never leave my head…

**Back to Allen's Point of view!**

"Let's play a game of cards!" Lavi said, jumping up and down excitedly. "Sure." "Che" "Oh come on Kanda!" Lavi said pouting. "What are you afraid of Kanda? Are you afraid of losing?" I teased him, sitting down and shuffling the cards.

"Bring it on Moyashi." He growled, coming to sit by me. **_Two shirts and a pair of pants later…_** "Okay, Okay I give. You win Allen." Lavi said sighing. "Che" Kanda said throwing his cards down. "I told you I never lose." I said triumphantly. "Well do you guys want to watch a movie?" Lenalee asked from the chair. "Sure but I'll be back. I'm going to go take a shower." I said, standing up.

"Okay! I'll make some hot chocolate." Lenalee said standing up. "I'll help you." Lavi said, standing up and following her into the kitchen. _"Well that was weird." _I thought to myself walking up the stairs. I went and grabbed my clothes and pain pills, slipping the pain pills under my shirt. I passed Kanda on the way out of the room and I silently cursed him.

He still had his shirt off. I uh um not that I care. I went into the bathroom and locked the bathroom door, turning towards it as I wiped off my makeup.

**Makeup**

_Makeup is a cover up, for bruises, cuts and scars, but when the water streaks your face, the makeup is all gone. You're so afraid that they will see the real, broken you, so you hide away, and run away, just to change the mood of life, with makeup as your guard._

My face looked bad from the beating I had gotten earlier. My scar was more red than usual as well. I pulled my shirt off and saw the cuts that both Cross and I had created, some neat and others jagged and torn. I stepped into the shower and immediately relaxed under the flowing water.

I decided to sing an old song in Japanese that Mana had taught me.

"Anata wa kamisama shinjiteimasu ka?  
Koibito to oya ga oboreteitara?

Okujou kara tobioriyou to suru ano ko ni,  
Kakete agerareru kotoba wa nan deshou?

Saikin ja ano koro wo omoidasu koto mo nakute  
Futo miageta aozora ni kodoku wo kanjita yo

Kamisama nante iranai' boku no tame ni kimi no tame ni  
Asa made katariakashita seishun no zanzou yoDoujou nante iranai' tsuyosa no ura namida wo shiru Bokutachi ga shinjita mono wa mada kasuka ni netsu wo motsu Hanatta kotoba wa "MENDOKUSAI yatsu"SENSE tachi ni wa gumon datta rashii Kono mama ja bokutachi wa shinshoku sarete shimau to Mienai jiba ni torawarete mogaiteita nda 'Kamisama nante iranai' boku no tame ni kimi no tame ni Tsukiakari ni terasareta koukashita no himitsu yo 'Otona ni nante naranai' boku no me ni wa kimi no me ni waTsuyoi hikari wo yadoshita konkyo no nai kizuna yo Yume mo ai mo ayamachi mo kokoro to karada ni kizamareta Ame ga futari nurashiteku motto motto furasete Honne wa amari misenai noni fushigi ni chikaku kanjita yo Kokyuu taion koe, soshite Shinzou no oto boku no nouri ni fukaku fukaku kizamikomareta nda

―Setsuna ni shitta kanjou wa dare no tame ni yogoseba ii?―Kowasa wo shitta kanjou wa utsukushisa wo yadoshite yuku―'Kamisama nante iranai' boku no tame ni kimi no tame ni  
Fukai umi wo samayotta shinkaigyo no namida yo  
'Sayonara nante iwanai' furikaetta kimi no egao  
Kakenuketa seishun no hibi keshite maboroshi janai

Sukoshizutsu wasureteitta toshitemo  
Sukoshizutsu kareteitta toshitemo  
Mada hora netsu wo motteiru FURI shite  
Mada kodou wo wasuretenai FURI shite

**(If you want the English lyrics and name of the song please ask!)**

I got out of the shower hoping no one had heard me. Grabbing my pain pills, I took two dry. I opened the door and walked to my room. I could hear the movie startingdownstairs and I shook my head at the antics of Lavi and Lenalee.

Walking downstairs, I decided that after a cup of hot chocolate I would go upstairs. "Where's Kanda?" Lavi and Lenalee asked me. "Uh how am I supposed to know?" I said, sitting down and taking a drink of my hot chocolate…. After I finished my hot chocolate, I saw that both Lavi and Lenalee had fallen asleep.

I smiled softly and went upstairs, softly opening the door and walking in. "Kanda?" I said softly. "Che, what do you want Moyashi?" He said from the bed where he was sitting and reading a book. "Did you read the first poem?" I walked over and sat down next to him, the bed sinking with my added weight. "Yes. I didn't know you felt this way." He said his voice softer than I had ever heard it.

"I'm sorry but you're the one who kept my notebook." He nodded. "I know. You've always been so secretive though I'm really the same." I smiled softly. "Yeah I don't really like my past." I felt his hand run across my face. Crap. I had forgotten to cover up my bruises.

"What happened?" He asked, a warning hidden in his voice. "I uh tripped and fell. Opps clumsy me." I turned my head away from him. He took my chin gently yet firmly and turned my head towards him. "Who. Did this." I gulped.

"Kanda its fine, He just sometimes…." "Is it your guardian?" I nodded silently. "I'll kill him." He said growling. "Why do you care?" I asked him. "Then he leaned forward and….

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**Ha ha cliffy! Hope you enjoyed it! What do you guys think? Is Allen referring to himself, other people or both? Does Kanda like Allen more than a friend? What happens next? Review! **


	6. That moment when

**Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed last chapter :P I had fun. Now let's see what happens with Allen and Kanda!**

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**Last time….**

_The he leaned forward and…_

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Then he leaned forward so he was close to my ear. "This is why." He pulled back and kissed me.

**A kiss can save a life**

_If you feel like dying, and you've stopped trying, How about you try a kiss. A kiss can save a life, and that my friend is right, so try it and hopefully you'll be saved. _**(Ha ha this was written as soon as Kanda kissed Allen by the way.)**

That was the only thing that crossed my mind. I'm surprised my mind was functioning enough to write a poem like that. My hand that had been trying to push us apart relaxed and Kanda brought us closer.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his hair tie out, his hair falling in crashing waves down his back. We ended up lying down, our legs tangling together. I pulled back but Kanda didn't like that.

He started kissing down my neck, and I gasped. "K-Kanda." I whimpered. "That's why I care Allen." He said pulling me into his arms. He called me by my name, I thought as I fell into a deep sleep. **In the morning… **I woke up to the shirt clad chest of Kanda.

The shirt was partially buttoned up and I could see some of his chest. I blushed ever so slightly. Then I realized something. I was in Kanda's arms but he had a girlfriend. I was helping him cheat! I quickly tried to get away from him but he tightened his arms around me and yawned. "Morning." He said sleepily.

"Kanda you uh don't you have a girlfriend?" I asked, my voice muffled slightly due to the fact that he was holding me to his chest. "No. Lavi and I made that up so that my fans would leave me alone." He said with an amused expression. I sighed.

So he didn't have a girlfriend. Good. I mean uh…yeah it's too late now. "So what was that song you sang last night?" He asked me as he watched my face.

I blushed and stuttered out "Um its an old song Mana taught me. We used to sing together, just for the fun of it." He nodded thoughtfully. "Who's Mana?" I forgot. I hadn't told any of my friends who Mana was because the memories were too painful.

"Um he was my foster father. He was killed by a gang that gave me this scar." I said pointing to the scar that ran down my face. Kanda gently traced the scar with his fingers and I closed my eyes, loving the feeling. "Are you really okay?" He asked quietly.

I was shocked. That was the first time someone had asked me that, and they really meant it. "I..." "You have to tell me the truth. I care Allen." Kanda said softly. "I guess not. I've never been okay, not really. My master beats me and I…." I trailed off not wanting to say any more.

"You what Allen?" Kanda said looking me in the eyes. I didn't want to tell him. I was afraid that he would call me ugly and leave me, just like everyone else had. So I said something else. "Nothing. I was just going to say that I loved Mana a lot." Kanda frowned at me.

"Allen please don't lie. I hate it when you lie." He took my chin in his hand and tipped my head toward his. "What if I lied to you? How would you feel?" He whispered, kissing me softly.

"I don't want to see you hurting Allen." He whispered, kissing me again. Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. He meant it. "Please tell me what's wrong." I closed my eyes, thinking about everything that was wrong. Suddenly banging sounded from the door.

We both sprang up and ran to the door. I tried to open the door but it was stuck. "What the heck! Lavi! Lenalee!" I heard evil laughing.

"You shall never escape! Have fun my pretties!" Lavi said evilly. "I'll get you guys some food." Lenalee said happily. "I know we were having a moment and all but we need to get out of here."

I said starting to beat the door. "Che, whatever." Kanda muttered turning and lying down on the bed. Damn him, I thought to myself. When he laid down his hair fanned out underneath him, his partially buttoned shirt sliding down ever so slightly. Restraint Allen. Restraint. Think about something else. I turned away from him, trying to open the door…

**Kanda's Point of View**

I laid down on the bed and watched as Allen mentally freaked out. I knew it. I watched with half closed eyes as he took in my appearance, my shirt sliding down ever so slightly on my tall frame.

This could be fun. "Moyashi." I said, my voice taking on a deeper tone. He froze his back to me. "Uh yeah?" "Bring me my book." I said smirking. "Uh sure." He grabbed my book and walked over. By the time he knew something was wrong he went sprawling onto me. I wasn't really prepared for it but I quickly recovered. "Stupid Moyashi! Get off of me!" I said loud enough for Lavi and Lenalee to hear.

"BaKanda! If you hadn't put your boots there maybe I wouldn't have tripped!" He said growling. I growled but pulled him closer. I leaned down and whispered in his ear. "Go with it. Maybe we can get out of here." His eyes widened but he nodded. "Che whatever."

"You're such a jerk!" Allen yelled at me. The he threw a flower pot on the floor and it smashed. I winced. "What the hell was that for? You hit me in the head!" I yelled standing up.

"Uh guys, let's not fight." Lenalee said from outside the door. "I'll run you through with Mugen!" I yelled standing and picking Mugen up. I made Allen slam into the wall and slid my sword through his hair. His eyes glittered dangerously and he said "Like you would."

That cocky little… he did that on purpose. I stabbed the sword into the wall beside his head. "Ahhh!" Allen yelled, running to the other side of the room, with me close behind him. Suddenly the door opened and Lavi and Lenalee came in with hammers.

"Enough! You guys…" He gulped when he saw our position. Before they had come in, Allen had laid back on the bed and spread his legs. I had put one leg between his legs and leaned down, my hair falling around us. My sword was pressed against Allen's throat and Allen had his head turned to the side. "Kanda. Don't do it." Lavi and Lenalee said, their voices shaking.

I leaned down, the sword pressing against Allen's throat. "I think that after this, we should go on a date. We will act like nothing happened. Got it?" I made it sound like it was threating and Allen nodded, pulling off a look a though I had just said he was going to die.

I stood up and said "I'm going to take a shower." I walked out, satisfied with my work….

**Lavi's Point of View… **

Okay so our plan backfired. Kanda just about killed Allen. Yet again. I had really thought that they liked each other. They were both hiding something no doubt. I intended to find out. I turned to Lenalee. "That didn't go as planned did it?" She shook her head.

"I don't know. Something is definitely going on between them though." She said thoughtfully. "Yeah maybe we should put cameras in their room." I said getting excited.

"I don't know. Wouldn't that be going too far?" She asked, turning towards me. "Nah. They'll never know." I said rubbing my hands together. She sighed. "Oh no you have another crazy plan don't you." She knows me so well. I grinned.

Lenalee and I went down to the basement and found my secret spy stash. I grabbed some mini cameras and we went to their room, putting them so we could see the bed. They also had sound. I went back downstairs. Let the fun begin. Lenalee came and took a seat beside me looking at the computer screen. Yuu entered and sat on the bed, putting his shirt on. Allen came in and sat on the bed next to him. Here's their conversation

_Allen: Hey so do you know where Lenalee and Lavi went?_

**_Kanda: How am I supposed to know? I went and took a shower._**

_Allen: Whatever BaKanda_

**_Kanda: Don't call me that Baka Moyashi_**

_Allen: I am not a Moyashi!_

**_Kanda: Yes you are._**

Then Kanda leaned over and whispered something in Allen's ear. His eyes widened and then they both looked straight at the camera. Lavi out….

**The death of Lavi**

_The death of Lavi will be short and quick. He better run fast if he wants to live. I hope Kanda stabs him between the eyes. For being a stalker with prying eyes._

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**Hey guys! I'm so glad you like the story so far! Any requests? Hope you like the next chapter! Question: How would you start a conversation? Review!**


	7. Is life all right?

**Hey guys! I'm so glad you like the story so far! Any requests? **

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**Allen's Point of View**

So I was going on a date with Kanda. I don't know what to do anymore. I sighed and grabbed my notebook. Kanda and I made a deal. I could have my notebook as long as I let him read my new poems. What to write, what to write. Oh I've got it.

**Lead**

_I feel it again. Clang. Bang. Crash. I feel it again. The huge jumbled mass that wrecks my existence. It sits in the bottom of my heart, like a knife, like a weight and I'm dead. Can you hear it? Do you hear the Clang? The Bang? The Crash? Can you feel it? The feeling of dread? I can. I feel it. I feel it again. Clang. Bang. Crash. The lead is at the bottom of my heart again. I can feel it. But this time, it's melting. You've melted the lead at the bottom of my heart. Thank you. Thank you again for melting the lead._

I normally wouldn't have written that ending, but now that Kanda has talked with me, I feel like writing a thousand happy poems. Not that I could of course.

I sighed and laid back on the bed, wondering when Kanda would get done beating up Lavi. I understand why though. I'm not sure I want all my friends to know about me or my past. Just Kanda for now and even he got lucky.

He's stubborn just like me, although a little bit more stubborn than I am. I heard the door slam and I closed my eyes. "Che that Baka. What did he think he was doing?" Kanda said, setting Mugen off to the side. "He wasn't thinking Kanda. You know that." I said, yawning and stretching out on the bed.

The notebook lay open beside me and Kanda grabbed it, looking at the poem I had just written. After he read it he sat down next to me and sighed.

"What are you thinking?" I said, turning onto my side to look at him. "The poem was good. That's all." He said smiling softly. "Thanks." I said smiling at him. It wasn't a fake smile but a real one. "I love when you do that." He said and I noticed that he was turned toward me. "What?" I asked startled. He moved closer and whispered in my ear. "You smiled a real smile. I like it."

I shivered at the feeling of his breath on my ear. "Where are we going on our date?" I asked him, turning into his arms. "Mmm it's a surprise." He said, wrapping his arms around me.

"Aww you know I hate surprises." I said pouting slightly. I sighed. He wasn't going to tell me. "At least tell me when." I said stretching. "Hmmm I think on Friday would be good." I nodded.

That was fine with me although it was a week from now. "We should go outside." I said, standing up and grabbing Kanda's hand. "Why?" He asked me as he watched me pull on my boots. "I think it's going to rain and I love the rain. Plus all we've done this weekend is stay inside." He frowned at me. "Pleassseeee Kanda" I whined, pulling out the puppy eyes. He sighed. "Fine. Just for a little bit." I smiled and we went out the door. "So where's Lavi?" I asked as we went down the back steps.

"He's still alive but barely." He said scowling. "Lenalee wouldn't let you kill him?" I asked looking at the forest surrounding the cabin. "Sadly she wanted him alive." I laughed quietly.

It was the first time I had laughed in a long time and it felt good. "Moyashi. Did you just… laugh at me?" Kanda growled teasingly. I laughed again and then covered my mouth. "Uh…no..." I said backing away from him.

He came toward me and then he started casing me. I ran toward the lake that was a little ways into the forest. Then I felt two muscular arms rap around my waist and I fell. Kanda quickly straddled my waist. "Do you know what moyashi's get when they laugh at me?"

I gulped. "Uh nice Kanda." Then he reached down and started tickling me. "No! Kanda! No d-don't tick-kle me!" I started laughing uncontrollably.

I tried to grab his hands to make him stop but I couldn't because I was laughing too hard. When he finally stopped my sides were heaving and I was breathing hard.

"That…was…unfair." I said gasping. . "No it wasn't. You laughed at me." He said smiling down at me. He leaned down and softly connected our lips. I leaned up and kissed him back gently, wrapping my arms around his neck.

I still couldn't believe that Kanda liked me and accepted me. Well I didn't know if he would leave after he saw the scars but we weren't that far along yet.

"Kanda, tonight we should go and look at the stars with Lavi and Lenalee." I had always loved the stars because they must see something that we don't see. "Okay sure." He said, resting his forehead on mine. That's when we heard yelling.

"ALLEN! KANDA!" Lavi yelled through the forest. I got up and Kanda and I walked over to the back door of the cabin. "Lavi? What's wrong?" I said. "Allen there you are!" He said cheerfully. "What?" I asked. "I was wondering if you wanted to build a campfire tonight.

I couldn't find you in the cabin. Did you and Yuu sneak off to make out?" He asked smiling. "Kanda. You know what we must do" I said, pulling a knife out of my pocket.

**(Fun fact: Because Allen doesn't have innocence in this; he is a professional knife thrower. His strong arm is his left arm but he can throw with his right arm just as well. Kanda of course has his sword, Mugen, Lavi has a mechanical hammer that he uses for self-defense, and Lenalee has lightweight boots that really hurt when she hits you. She's in gymnastics! Okay continue on) **

Kanda unsheathed his sword and Lavi's eyes widened. "I was just kidding you guys." He said inching backward. "Lenalee! If Lavi's found dead I'm deeply sorry." I called out into the house, sarcasm dripping from my words. Kanda stepped forward and then Lavi bolted for it.

I picked up my knife and threw it so it would land right in front of him. He squealed and fell over. "Go ahead Kanda." I said smiling evilly. After Kanda had just about killed Lavi yet again, it had gotten darker outside. We all went outside and Lavi started chopping wood for the fire. After the fire was built, Lenalee and Lavi sat awfully close to each other. _(Maybe something was going on between them?)_

In the dark I felt Kanda's hand slip into mine and I smiled. Maybe everything was going to be all right after all.

**Fire**

_For when the world goes up in flames, thy fair maiden is screaming your name. You left her lonely on a hill; she waits for your return. Alas dear knight you never came, and all her screaming was in vain, she died lonely on a hill, waiting for your return. "What happened?!" you say but of course you know, she died in the burning flames._

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**Hey guys! I may not update until Thursday or Friday because of Finals week! Sorry! :)**


	8. Bleeding out

**Hey guys! I hope you like this chapter! Review!**

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**Gone**

_The wind was howling, the only sign that there was a storm coming. The thunder was loud and shook the ground. But no one knew what was happening inside his heart. There were good things and bad things that raged against him, knocking him into the ground. He was long gone down the dusty trail. He was gone away with the wind. He was gone, gone, gone before you could say Amen._

**Allen's Point Of View**

So the weekend at the cabin ended. I found out that Kanda likes me and wants to go out on a date with me. We headed back to school and I couldn't wait until Friday.

Of course Kanda and I had to "hate" each other so we weren't really talking during school. Finally Friday rolled around and Kanda said he would come pick me up. At my house.

The only problem with that was that I was nervous that Cross would be drunk and at home. I tried to tell Kanda that maybe he should pick me up somewhere else but he wouldn't listen.

All he said was "Che. It will be fine. Be ready by 8:00." Then he turned and walked away. I sighed and went to my car, praying that Cross would be out with his friends. When I got to my house I opened the door quietly. Then there was a bang to the left of my head.

Cross was standing across from me with his shotgun that people called the Cross of Maria. His wife had been named Maria and to remember her, he named his gun after her I guess.

I really didn't blame him for all of this. I really didn't. He was still sad because he had watched his wife die and he couldn't save her. He also watched his family members die right in front of his eyes so he had a reason for doing this. I just happened to be the unlucky victim.

"Hey Allen. Let's play a game of target practice." He said smiling evilly._"Oh no" _I thought to myself. _"He's somber." _ Now I know that usually people are better when they are somber but that wasn't the case with Cross. He was worse.

He did horrible things to me when he was somber. "Hello Master." I said quietly. "Let's play a game Allen. I want to see how fast you can dance for me."

Then he started shooting at my feet. It was almost 7:00 and I was starting to panic. _"What If Kanda sees?" _I thought to myself as I jumped, dogging the bullets that were being shot at my feet.

"You're so boring. Come here." He said. "Yes master." I said, slightly out of breath because of all the jumping I had done. Then he took me down stairs to his "dungeon" and pulled out his chains.

He connected my legs and my arms to the cuffs and then started turning the lever that would pull my arms and legs taunt. This was one of the worst so that must mean he was in a bad mood.

He unbuttoned my shirt and slid his hand over my stomach. "Mmmm Allen you're so beautiful with these lovely scars." He found a newer one and pressed on it, hard, so that it started to bleed again. I gasped, my vision blurring slightly. "Would you like a kiss?" He asked, kissing my unwilling lips.

Then he pulled back and smiled. "I think you need some color. You look too pale." Then he started whipping me. After he was done he started laughing and I barely heard him.

He didn't care about me, but I couldn't do anything about it. I wasn't someone who could stand up for themselves. So I had to suffer instead. I didn't want this but I had to endure it because I had no one to help me.

I was afraid that if I let Kanda in, he would hate me and run away, but I couldn't help it. I opened up to him and now that I had, I wanted to know him more.

Cross had started to kiss and lick the blood off my stomach and I gagged. I hated this. Why didn't I fight back?

He hit me again for good measure and then said in a mocking voice, "Hang in there Allen. I'll be back in about a day or so." Then he left me hanging by the hands and feet, blood pooling on the floor….

**Voices**

_Are you happy that you crush others, make them cry? Why are you smiling? If you smile it won't go away. That doesn't matter at all of course. Such a pretty smile they say. _

_The darkness took your smile and threw it away. It's gone now falling into a place that it will never return. Your smile is fake my friend. You're faking that you are alright when you're not. _

_You hide the real you behind a mask that will not last but that's okay right? That's what they all tell you that's what they all say and really they try to advice you but their advice doesn't help you and you push them away. You smile politely and then walk away. _

_But that's okay right? That's okay? Is that what the world says? Is that what they say? Running away takes you nowhere at all. You are not growing stronger but weaker that's all. _

_But that's okay right? That's what they say. But they are lying to you and that is the truth. Does it hurt? Was it worth it? You talk too much you hurt too much you don't matter at all. _

_Is it okay for you to love somebody in your condition? Or is it something that I'm missing. Cause it hurts me when you hide yourself with your fancy words. It's a scream for help. _

_No one's listening, no one's listening. Because nobody ever cared for you. So what would you do if you had someone with you? Would you scream? Would you cry? Would you hurt? _

_All you hear in your head "No one care's, just go be dead" You can't take those empty words of "I love you, don't cry" I'm not really sure anymore why you try to explain your actions. _

_Honestly nobody cares what you look like. Who would dare. You were born to die not to live or survive so why bother being alive? So there you have it. A tragic thing in your life. You were happy today right? _

**Bleeding out**

_I can see the knife as it comes closer. Maybe today will be the end. Maybe today I'll die and no one will wonder why. The knife is steady in my hand as I slide it across my palm. The feeling is indescribable. No it has a description. Numb. I feel numb every time I do this. I don't know why I do this. Maybe because I like knowing that maybe it will all end today? I might finally bleed out. Because this whole time I've been bleeding out._

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**Hey guys! Sorry it's so short but I have a really cool chapter next so yeah. Review!**


	9. Healing begins?

**Hey Guys! Thanks for the support! I'm sorry I haven't written in a while so here ya go! Enjoy! And of course review and tell me what you think!**

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**Spell bound**

_He was spell bound. The blood painted a pretty picture. Humans have a strange, sick fascination with blood. The walls were covered in it but He didn't care. He saw it as a work of art. He was spell bound. Yes that's the word for it. Spell Bound._

**Kanda's Point Of View**

I walked up to Allen's door and knocked loudly. "Oi! Moyashi!" I yelled when no one answered. It was eerily quiet when I opened the door. I walked in and looked around. I saw holes in the floor, like a gun had been fired.

The living room was a mess. "Allen?!" I yelled again, hoping nothing had happened to him. I walked down the stairs and the scene that greeted me was horrible. There, against the wall, strung up by chains was Allen.

He was deathly pale and his shirt was torn and bloodied. His chest was covered in cuts and slashes, as though he had been whipped. "_So this is what he was talking about" _I thought to myself, horrified.

Blood was pooling at his feet and his head hung low. I quickly found the lever that released him and I caught him tenderly. "Allen? Allen please wake up." I said, panicking slightly.

Halfway out to my car, he groaned softly. "Thank God. Allen. Allen can you hear me?" I asked, gently setting him down on the front seat of my car.

"K-Kanda? What happened?" I pulled him closer to me. "I don't know but we have to get you cleaned up." He fell unconscious again and I drove him to my house. I gently bandaged him and cleaned him up, and then I laid him down on my bed, curling up beside him, in hopes that I could warm him up.

**LATER IN THE DAY/EVENING(Not really sure)**

I woke up and found that Allen was snuggled into my side. I sighed. He was okay. He shifted closer to me, tangling his legs with mine. He yawned softly and opened sleepy eyes to look at me.

"I'm sorry about the date." He said pouting. "We can go another time. It's not a big deal." I said gruffly. "Really?" He asked, and I watched as his eyes lit up.

I nodded. "Thank you Kanda!" He said excitedly, wrapping his arms around me.

"So Allen. What…happened?" I asked him quietly. He buried his head into my shoulder. "I came home and Cross beat me again. He won't be back for a while so I'll be fine to go home again." He said, his voice sounding muffled because he had his head on my shoulder.

"No. You're staying with me." I said firmly, pulling him closer to me. His eyes widened. "Are you sure?" I smiled at him. **(Oh my cheese! Kanda the cold hearted actually smiled! He really is a human!) **"Yes because I want you to stay safe. I live alone so it's okay." I said.

"Thank you so much!" He said, pouncing on me. "Oi! What are you doing!" I yelled as he straddled my waist. Then he leaned down and kissed me. I pulled back and asked "Are you hungry?" He nodded eagerly and jumped up, running down the hall. I shook my head and followed him…

**Allen's Point of View**

Kanda was letting me stay with him! I was really excited. Though he didn't look very happy. Then again this is Kanda we are talking about. I glad that he found me when he did. I would have died if he hadn't.

One thing I don't understand is why didn't he run away? He's still here, even though he saw me at my worst. Maybe he really does love me. I hope so because I think I fell for him already. Right now he was making me some food.

I sighed and smiled slightly as I watched him cook. His long hair was out of its usual ponytail and it hung loosely around his waist. "Why is he so cute?" I thought to myself as he flipped the pancakes that he was making.

I couldn't explain why I wasn't mad at Cross. All I felt now was sympathy for him. I used to think that if I could become stronger than him and if I fought back that maybe I would feel better and I would escape.

I used to hate him but now I can't hate him. Suddenly there was an arm wrapped around my waist and I gasped. "Allen? Are you okay? You looked like you were a thousand miles away." I smiled slightly.

"I'm fine I was just thinking about some things." I said, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him. "I hope you're okay Allen. You don't have to lie to me you know." He said, setting a plate of pancakes down on the counter.

"I know." I said quietly. I couldn't understand this feeling in my chest. I was scared for the future. I didn't know what might happen if Cross found out about this. Because one thing I knew for sure. He would still try to find me because to him, I was still his property.

**Owner**

_I have an owner._

_He does not care._

_If I scream or pull my hair._

_He does not own me._

_Not really you see._

_But I can__'t escape him, that's what hurts me._

_He beats me and bruises me._

_He beats me till I bleed._

_The scars that are on my chest are from both him and even me._

_I'm not sure why he does it._

_I__'m not sure why I do too._

_But finally I have escaped him._

_I made it out of that living Hell._

_I have found a new safe place._

_I hope he does not find me. _

_And if he does oh well._

_Because he is my owner._

_I think everyone can tell._

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**Hey guys! Did you like the chapter? I hope so! Sorry I haven****'t written in a while but I've been really busy with my summer plans. Pathfinders! And this guy is really bugging me :( I can't like him but I do :( Any who… I hope you review for my story! Share it around to your friends! Thanks!**


	10. The secret's out

**Hey guys! I hope you liked the last chapter! When does it end!? Ahhh! You'll just have to find out. Review! Thanks so much!**

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**Run Away**

_What would I do. If my friends found out about you and me?_

_Would our happiness be ruined?_

_I would run away._

_I can't help but try to hide._

_Its what I have done all my life._

_I hope that you won't see me cry._

_So I will run away._

_Away from all the pain and lies._

_Away from all the scars and ties._

_I hope by now that you realize._

_That I will run away._

**Allen's Point of View**

So the bad thing about living with Kanda? I can't let anyone else know. Not even Lenalee or Lavi. That's kinda dumb because right now I really want to tell Lenalee because she may be able to help me.

But Kanda made me promise not to tell anyone and I don't really feel like betraying him so yeah. At least I can write about it. I sigh and look around the classroom. Kanda and I still had to pretend to hate each other so we weren't really talking.

What I really wanted to do was go and kiss him because his fan club was swarming him. He looked over at me and smirked, seeing my thoughts. "Damn you Kanda." I thought to myself.

He thought this was funny. "I will get revenge." I thought to myself. I turned and faced forward, looking for my black and gray notebook. I couldn't find it. "Ugh not again." I thought to myself as the bell rang.

"I guess I'll have to ask Kanda to help me." I thought as everyone left the classroom for lunch. "Kanda!? Could you help me please!?" I said to him as we met up for lunch.

Everyday during lunch Kanda and I came to the library to eat together, without people to bother us. "Maybe you left it in the library." He said yawning. "Yeah that's what I thought. I just hope nobody picked it up."

We walked to the library and I went to the table that I had set my notebook on. That's when I saw Lenalee and Lavi. Bent over my notebook. "Epp!" I tripped over my foot and Kanda, confused, caught me.

"Allen what are you.." He trailed off when he saw Lenalee and Lavi at the table. "I think I'm gonna be sick." I said. I peeked around the corner and saw that Lenalee was starting to cry.

"Crap. Crap." I turned to look at Kanda. "They know Kanda." He nodded. "You might as well tell them Allen." He said quietly. I nodded and then walked around the bookcase.

"Um guys?" I said quietly. They both looked up, eyes watery and expressions sad. Then Lenalee jumped up and wrapped her arms around me. I heard Kanda growl quietly and internally I smirked. Then again this wasn't the time to smirk. Even internally.

"Allen, why would you do this?" I sighed. "I can't really explain it Lenalee but I'm okay now." Lavi came up to me and gave me a huge hug. "Ow. Hey could you not…" I trailed off as I saw the look in his eyes.

"You're okay now Allen?" He said quietly. I nodded and smiled slightly. "I'm sorry I hand't noticed." He said smiling gently at me. Kanda was standing behind the book case and both Lavi and Lenalee hadn't noticed yet.

"So how are you and Kanda?" Lenalee asked me as she sat back down. I tried to ward off a blush. "Why the heck would I care about him?! I mean he practically hates me." I said, faking it.

"Whatever you say. I bet you guys are in a secret relationship right now." Lavi said smirking at me. I shook my head at them. "Whatever you guys. And what about you two?" I asked, noticing the way they were close to each other.

Lenalee blushed ever so slightly and Lavi grinned. "Yup you guessed it. We're together!" I smiled at them. "I think that's cute." I said, noticing that Lenalee blushed a little bit when I said that.

"Lets go find Yuu-chan!" Lavi said jumping up and running out of the library. Lenalee smiled fondly and then turned toward me. "You really scared us Allen. I hope that whoever you are with is making you happy."

She smiled and then walked off. "Hey wait! How did you know?!" I sat down and buried my head in my hands. "She's smarter then she looks huh?" Kanda said, coming and sitting next to me.

I nodded my head silently. "You know they'll find out who you're with eventually right?" I turned to look at him. "Well yeah I know that. I almost jumped up and kissed you in class."

He smirked at me and nodded. "I saw that. I thought a jealous Moyashi was pretty cute." I growled at him and turned away. "Whatever. I heard that growl when Lenalee hugged me."

"That was just my stomach. I'm hungry you know." He said, trying to brush it off. "Yeah whatever mister emotionless brick wall." I said, sticking my tounge out at him.

I looked at where they had stopped in the notebook. They had gotten to the poem that read Stars. "At least they didn't get very far into the notebook." I said picking it up.

"What poem did they get to?" Kanda asked, coming closer to me. "Just the one about stars. That one's on the third page so they read some bad poems but not too bad I guess."

Kanda nodded. "Will you read Stars to me?" He asked , looking at me in question. "Uh its not very good, but I guess so." I said, reopening the notebook and turning to the page.

This had been one of my favorite poems because I had always loved studying the stars. They really were my friends. I had written this when I was running away from Master.

He had been hitting me again and it had gotten worse, so I decided to take my notebook with me and I went outside to study the stars.

**Stars**

_What happened to the stars?_

_Why have they gone away?_

_They were my only friends._

_They won't come out at day._

_And then the darkness comes._

_And slowly they awake._

_Twinkling in the sky, who knew they could awake?_

_They give funny feelings, of sorrow and of dread._

_I want to join them in they sky, but here I stay instead._

_The stars they shine so bright tonight, I hope they guide you home._

_Good night my child, good night._

_And off to home you go._

I trailed off and looked down at the page. "That was beautiful Allen." Kanda said softly. I blushed ever so slightly. I guess I wasn't used to people praising my work.

"Thanks I guess." I said, turning away from him so he couldn't see my blush. "Oi Moyashi. What's with the blushing?" He asked me, smirking. "Damn it how could he tell?"

"I-I'm not blushing I'm just a little warm that's all." I said, picking up my fork. "Oh is that so? Here let me cool you down." He said, leaning closer and placing a kiss on my heated cheeks.

"W-What are you doing!?" I said, pushing him away. "Aww is my little Moyashi blushing?" Then I thought of something. "Revenge is sweet." I thought to myself.

I pushed Kanda down on the floor of the library and put my knee between his legs. "Oi! What are you..." I cut him off by kissing him on the lips and pulling back.

I took a strand of his hair and kissed it softly and then let it fall. I looked down at him and saw him blush ever so slightly. "Look who's blushing now?" I said, smiling triumphantly.**( So did you guys know, that in Japan, there is this thing between lovers, that if you kiss a strand of hair, it means that the one that kissed the hair loves you forever. Just a cool thing I guess)**

"S-Shut up." He said, sitting up and growling at me. "Well I have to go to class so, if you don't wanna be late I suggest that you leave now." I said, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

I didn't forget my notebook this time either. I guess that my life was going to get better. I walked down the halls to my next class, thinking that everything was going to be okay.

**AFTER SCHOOL/WORK!**

I told Kanda that even though I was staying with him didn't mean he was going to be paying for me. He was a little worried because I was still hurt but I finally convinced him to let me go to work.

So I drove to my work, which is actually a tattoo parlor. I hadn't told any one where I worked yet because I was afraid that they would be mad at me. My boss, Lou Fo, said that I was the best at tattooing.

I never really believed her but I decided that I would work here. "Hey Lou Fo!" I said as I threw my bag on the counter.  
"Hey Allen! How's that boy of yours?"

Okay so lets back up. I told Lou Fo that I was gay. And of course I told her about Kanda. Actually she kinda figured it out on her own but that's not the point. And now back to the present.

"Oh um he's fine I guess. I got back at him for being mean though." I said smiling and grabbing a needle. "Oh? What did he do this time?" She asked, coming over to me and smiling.

"He made me blush and he was teasing me about it. I decided that I would make him blush too, so I um kissed a strand of his hair?" Now that I think about it that wasn't the smartest idea.

"Allen you know what that means right?" Lou Fo said smiling an even bigger smile at me, if that was possible. "Um maybe?" I said, not sure of where she was going with this.

"That means that he'll be waiting at home to get back at you." I forgot to mention that she knows I live with him. I didn't tell her though I swear.

Its like that women can read minds! I nodded. "Yeah so I'm just gonna avoid him." I said, cleaning off the needle that she had used on one of our customers.

"Sure, sure whatever you say hon. I hope you get home safe. Don't have too much fun." She said with a wink. I rolled my eyes at her and grabbed my stuff. "Yeah will do."

**Waterproof**

_Do you see the cracks?_

_So you see the tape?_

_So you see the heart about to break?_

_Of course not, because you see, the heart is broken already._

_Then the tape soon covers the broken heart and then you can't see_

_The scars, the mark the broken heart._

_But that's okay to hide away_

_Because now..._

_You're Waterproof..._

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**Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I hope you guys enjoy the poems that I write into this story. Thanks for the reviews! I don't own D-Gray man just the plot and poems!**


	11. Disaster and a Date!

**Hey guys! Did you like the chapter? I hope so! Here ya go!**

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**Sliver of Hope**

_There's a sliver of hope left,_

_The day break is near,_

_There's a sliver of hope left,_

_Soon to be near._

_That sliver of hope,_

_Is what I hold dear._

_I need it to help me,_

_Stand my own ground._

_My world is slowly crashing down._

_Chaos surrounds me_

_Everywhere it burns,_

_My sliver of hope is that you will return._

_So please oh please,_

_Don't let me down,_

_My sliver of hope shall come crashing down._

**Lavi's Point of view**

_I had always been the one that was left out but I didn't mind. I was supposed to carry on my families legacy. I was supposed to stay on the side lines._

_My grandfather, Bookman from the bookman clan had always told me not to make friends. "To be unseen is what is best." So I stayed out of the way and watched history happen._

_All I saw was destruction and dying. Nothing good ever happened to me. not until I met Allen and Lenalee and Kanda. I had met them when I was twelve years old._

_I had never been a friendly person, but when Allen smiled at me a little part of me wanted to smile back. "Hey you're the new kid Lavi right? Nice to meet you! I'm Allen Walker." _

_He smiled at me and stuck his hand out. "I don't shake hands with filthy rats like you." I spat, because that was what I had practiced to say. That was what I had to say._

_"That's okay. We don't have to shake hands to be friends." He had said. Usually they turned and ran away crying when I said that, so I wasn't really prepared to say anything else._

_"Why won't you leave like all the others?" I had asked him, because I was confused. "Because you look like you need a friend that's why."_

_And that was how Allen and I had become friends. I had never really asked him about his family, but there was one time that he had mentioned Mana._

_It was a stormy day and we had seceded to meet up at my house. He was looking out the window, at the storm and he mumbled something like "This is like the last day I saw Mana."_

_"What was that Allen?" I had asked, because I wasn't sure I had heard him right. He had turned away from the window and smiled at me. "Oh its nothing. Just saying that the storm was getting pretty bad."_

_I had brushed it off because I didn't know who Mana was. Then again I didn't realy know Allen. "Save us Lavi... Save us..." _

_I watched as Allen picked up a knife. "I wonder if this will hurt." He said, turning toward me with a smile. "I'm okay Lavi. Really I am." Then he stabbed himself in the chest with the knife._

_"ALLEN! NO!" I yelled as I tried to run and get him. "I'm okay Lavi. I'll just... take a nice long nap." Then he dissolved into the water._

I sat up panting. I was having nightmares again. I wiped my forehead and sighed. This was so not cool. Every time I thought about Allen I got nightmares like this.

"I hope he's okay." I thought to myself as I looked at the time. It was 2:00 in the morning. He should be home by now.

Just in case... I picked up my cellphone and dialed Allen's number. **BRINGG... I'm sorry this phone number has been temporarily disconnected. Please try again.**

"Crap that is not good. His phone must be dead. I know something's wrong though." I said. I still have a bad feeling about this.

I looked at my cellphone again. I'm gonna definitely die but... I picked it up and dialed Yuu's number, hoping that he would pick up.

"What." I gulped. "Hey Yuu it's Lavi. I was wondering if you knew where Allen was. His phone is dead." I heard a yawn at the other end of the phone.

"Probably because its 2:00 in the morning. How do I know?" I gulped again. "I have a bad feeling about this Yuu. I've tried his phone at least five times.

"Fine. What are we going to do." I jumped up and pulled on a coat. "We have to go find him. Meet at you house in 15 okay?" "Whatever. Bye." Kanda hung up and I sighed. Please let Allen be okay...

**Allen's Point of View**

So its always fun to crash your car. It's also fun when your phone is dead. I had been heading home from work when there was a sharp turn in front of me.

I swerved and tried to turn but the car slammed into a tree and now I was stuck. I figured that Kanda would be asleep by now because I told him that my work runs late.

Currently I was bleeding, again might I add, and I couldn't feel my left leg. I was pretty sure I hadn't broken any thing and my leg had just fallen asleep.

Then again I'm not a doctor and I could have broken something. I sure hope not. So here's my situation. My car is smashed into a tree, its about 2:00 in the morning, and my phone's dead. Great.

Please someone help me.

**Kanda's Point of View**

Lavi had called me and asked me to help him find Allen. I was now starting to panic because Allen never carries a dead phone. His phone had never died because he always keeps it charged.

When Lavi got there I told him this, "Allen may have crashed his car or gotten lost coming home from work. Do you know where he works?"

"I have an idea." He said. I nodded. "Okay lets go." We drove down the road, looking for any signs of Allen's car. When we turned a corner, I saw something reflect light.

"Stop the car." I jumped out and ran over to the edge of the road and saw a tree that had a silver car smashed into it. "That's Allen's car." was all I thought before I started running.

"ALLEN! Allen!" I started looking around the car for him. Then in the front seat I found him. He was passed out and he had a large gash running down his arm, but other that that he looked fine.

"Thank goodness we found you Allen." Lavi said as we pulled him out of the car. "Thank you Lavi, for calling me. I can take him home."

Lavi nodded and we drove to my house. "I guess you do have some of a brain," I said to him, nodding gruffly. "Thanks Yuu-chan." I growled at him. "Che. Whatever."

I carried Allen inside and started cleaning his wounds. "Allen. Allen can you hear me?" Allen shifted on the bed and groaned. "Ouch that's going to hurt in the morning." He said holding his head.

I sighed. "I'm gad you're okay." I laid down next to him, gently wrapping my arms around him. "I'm glad that you found me. I promise, no more late nights." He said, snuggling into me.

"Good. Lavi is the one that you should thank. He said he had a bad feeling about it. He called me and we went to go find you." I said, pulling the covers over Allen. He was shivering.

"I wonder how he knew." Allen said before falling asleep. "I wonder how he knew as well." I thought to myself before I fell asleep, thinking about what had happened.

**THE NEXT DAY!**

**Allen's Point of View**

I yawned and stretched, scooting closer to the warmth I had sleeping next to me. So yesterday was a huge disaster. At least today should be better. Today is Saturday and I know exactly what I want to do.

Sleep! Well not really because today is the day that Kanda promised me we would go on a date! I'm really excited but I have no idea where we are going. He won't tell me.I didn't really want to wake him up so I quietly slipped away from him and went to the kitchen.

I wanted to make him breakfast and thank him for letting me stay with him."Hmm what to make, what to make." I thought to myself as I looked through the cabinets. "Ah! How about pancakes!" I grabbed the pancake mix and turned on the radio.

I have a secret love for music and I love singing but don't tell anyone. As I was making the pancakes the song "Happy" came on. I couldn't help myself so I started singing."It might seem crazy what I'm bout to say." I flipped a pancake onto the plate and spun around.

"Sunshine she's here, you can take a break. I'm a hot air balloon that could go to space with the air, like I don't care baby by the way."I put the plate of pancakes down and spun again.

"Because I'm happy, clap along if you feel like a room without a roof Because I'm happy clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth, Because I'm happy clap along if you know what happiness is to you because I'm happy clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do."

I felt two arms wrap around me and then said person chuckled. "What are you doing?" I set down the plate and turned around, smiling. "I thought I would make you some breakfast to thank you for letting me stay with you." I said, wrapping my arms around him.

He smiled and leaned down and kissed me softly. "Thanks you my little Moyashi." He smirked at me. "I'm not a Moyashi!" I shouted and turned away from him. He smirked again and sat down across from me.

"I'm not so sure about that." I stuck my tongue out at him. "Whatever. Where are we going today?" I asked, referring to the date he had planned. "Mmm can't tell sorry." He said smiling at me.

I pouted at him. "You know I hate surprises." I said picking up our empty dishes and putting them in the sink. "Yup" He said, popping the "P." "Sometimes I hate that BaKanda and his stupid, dumb tricks." I said, muttering to myself.

"I heard that!" He yelled down the hall. "Meant for you to hear!" I yelled back, pulling on some clothes.

**TWENTY MINUTES LATER****…**

"Oi! Moyashi! It's time to go!" Kanda yelled down the hallway. "Okay just a second!" I yelled back, grabbing my wallet. I wasn't really sure where we were going so just in case I grabbed my wallet. I jumped into the car and sighed.

"Won't you pleaseeeee tell me Kanda?" I said, turning and giving him puppy eyes. "Nope." I turned and faced forward, pouting. "Fine. Be that way." I said, turning and looking out the window.

"Okay we're here." He said, parking the car and grabbing a picnic basket front he backseat. By now it was the middle of the day and it was getting darker. He had stopped at a little forest that had a path leading down the cliff side.

"Come on lets go!" He said, motioning me to follow him down the trail. When we got to the bottom of the trail, I stopped and looked around. "Wow this place is awesome!" Kanda just nodded and sat down.

"Aww I think this is really cute!" I said, jumping up and down. I sat down next to him, snuggling into his side. "Just eat already." He said sighing. I smiled at him. "Thanks so much Kanda!"

**SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENED AND I****'M NOT GOING TO ELABORATE BUT ITS NOT THAT BAD REALLY. YEAH. SO AFTER THAT HAPPENED…**

"Hey Kanda?" He turned to look at me. "Thanks so much for letting me stay with you but… I'm too much of a burden on you. I think its okay for me to go back." I said smiling. "I don't want him to get hurt because every time I try to leave, Cross always finds me." I thought to myself.

"I don't want you to get hurt Allen." He said seriously. "I'll be fine I promise." I said smiling at him again. "Alright fine but you need to be careful." I nodded and hugged him. "Thanks for tonight Kanda." I said happily.

**Smile**

_Smile don__'t cry. Pain is just a lie._

_Smile, don't give up. Love will be enough._

_Smile, its okay. Don't listen to the words they say._

_Smile, you'll be okay, the memories will go away. _

_Smile, and take a kiss, I need your smile, I need your lips._

_Smile, and understand, you're beautiful, so keep your hand,_

_Intertwined with mine and Smile if you can._

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**Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews! Share this story ****around please! I hope you guys enjoyed the poems and the peek into Lavi's past. I think this is one of my longest chapters! Yay! So what happened in your history? What's your sliver of hope? What makes you smile? Review!**


	12. An Ordinary day

**Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews! I hope you like this chapter!**

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**Master**

_"Oh Master! Dear Master! Where are you dear sir?" I cry as I wander the plains._

_So for years and years I went out searching to find my dear master, he's gone._

_I hope he hasn't died. Alas I never found him, I died all alone crying,_

_"Master, Oh Master please, oh please come back home."_

**Allen's Point of View**

I sighed and looked at the front door of my Master's house. I had convinced Kanda to let me go on my own to his house. I walked up to the front door and knocked. When no one answered, I quietly opened the door and stepped inside.

It looked like no one was home and I breathed a sigh of relief. I walked into the kitchen and saw a note with twenty dollars next to it. It read:

_Dear Allen,_

_ I'm really sorry for what I did to you and I hope that you're okay. When I came back I noticed that you were gone, so hopefully you are okay. I hope you come back and if you did and you are reading this then here is twenty dollars. Please don't call the cops_

_ Yours Truly,_

_ Cross Marian_

I smiled slightly and picked it up. "At least he's trying." I thought to myself.

**NEXT DAY A SCHOOL…**

"Wanna come over to my house today?" Lavi asked us. "Sure I have nothing else to do!" Lenalee said cheerfully. I smiled and nodded. "Yuu-chan can you come?!" Kanda growled at him. "Please Kanda?" Lenalee asked smiling.

I snickered and turned to grab my books. "Fine." He grumbled. "Okay! We'll meet you there!" Lavi said, wrapping his arms around Lenalee. When they had turned the corner, Kanda turned me around so that my back was up against the lockers.

"Someone's needy today." I said as he kissed my neck. He smiled slightly at me and kissed me tenderly before pulling away. "Let's get going." I said turning around and walking down the hallway.

**ONCE AT LAVI'S HOUSE!**

"Okay so what are we going to do?" I said, coming and sitting next to Lenalee and Lavi. I saw Kanda scowl at me and I stuck my tongue out at him. "Let's play Sardines!" Lenalee said smiling.

"How do you play?" I said, wondering if it was a fun game. I had never really played games with people because I had never had any friends. "Well it's like hide and seek except there's one person hiding and the rest have to find them. Once you find them you have to hide with them."

Lavi said standing up. I nodded. "So who's it first?" Lavi smiled evilly and pointed at Kanda. Kanda just said "Che." "Okay everyone close your eyes so Kanda can go and hide. Allen gets to go first."

We all closed our eyes and I started to count. When I got to sixty, I got up and started to look for him. **Fifteen minutes later… **"Where the Hell is he?!" I yelled. I hadn't found him and neither had Lavi or Lenalee.

I sighed and walked upstairs and saw a door I hadn't opened. I opened it and walked in, looking around and seeing a huge chest. I opened it and heard "Damn you guys suck" I smiled and almost yelled but then stopped myself.

"Nice hiding spot." I said, getting into the trunk and snuggling into him. He grunted and shifted so that he could kiss me. He leaned down and kissed me, and I whispered against his lips.

"I think they did this on purpose. Not that I mind." "I hear someone coming." Kanda said, kissing me one more time before pulling back. "Kanda! Where areee you?!" Lavi yelled cheerfully. I heard Lavi walk past the chest and then sigh and walk back down stairs.

"Where were we?" I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Right about here." He said, leaning down and kissing me softly. "This is why we can't be alone." I said breathlessly. He smiled at me and kissed me by my ear.

I gasped as he kissed across my collarbone. "They'll fine out sooner or later." Kanda said breathlessly against my skin. "I know. We should do something to tell them but what.?" I said, pulling his hair out of its holder.

Then I had an idea. I smiled evilly and Kanda looked down at me. "I'm not sure I want to know." He said to my look. I leaned up and kissed him and said "Yeah probably not." "We should go." I said sighing. It had been about twenty minuets.

"Alright." We both got out of the trunk and walked down stairs. "You guys are horrible at finding people." Kanda grumbled. "Where were you?" Lenalee and Lavi asked. "Upstairs in that huge trunk." They both laughed. I can't wait until tomorrow.

**THE NEXT DAY****….**

I was really excited for today because I had the perfect plan. I was finally going to tell everyone about our relationship. Sorta. I sighed as I walked to lunch, this time going to the cafe first. Today I told Kanda that we should eat in the cafe today.

I looked around for him and saw that he was surrounded by his fan girls. "Show time." I thought to myself. I walked over and sat across from him. He raised an eyebrow at me and pretended not to notice me.

The girls around him glared at me and then left. "Oi Moyashi what are you doing?" Kanda asked me as i leaned across the table. "This." I said before I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. Everyone in the cafe stopped and looked at us.

I looked at the girls who had glared at me and smiled sweetly. "He's mine." They all gasped and a group of people even started clapping. Kanda on the other hand was bushing like mad. He stood up and walked out, grabbing my hand and dragging me with him.

The cafe full of people started cheering and clapping. And that... was my ordinary day.

**Flashes of Dreams**

_Flashes of dreams is all that i see._

_Its not quite fair, those dreams aren't there._

_I don't want to dream, it all won't come true._

_So instead I get flashes of dreams of you. _

_I want you to stay here with me._

_Forever and ever, eternally._

_Flashes of dreams shall not scare me so._

_Flashes of dreams, only one left to go._

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**Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! review please! Too much yaoi or too little? Thanks so much!**


	13. Kanda's Birthday!

**Hey guys! I'm glad you like the story! I am having so much fun writing this so I hope you like this chapter! Review! Sorry I haven't written in a while :P**

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**Lie's**

_Don't lie. I know you're dying._

_Don't hide. I see you hurting._

_Don't run. You can't run forever._

_Don't leave. Don't say never._

_I can see all your pain, on your sleeve, it's a game._

_I want to help. Please Don't go._

_I want to love you, just let me know._

_What's going on in your head._

_Stay here. My love. Don't be dead._

**Allen's Point of View**

Today was Kanda's birthday and we had all decided to have a surprise party. Though we didn't really know the rest of our class as well as others we decided to invite them. Even the girls that were his fan club.

We had decided to have the party at his house but we had to distract him first. "Kanda! Kanda come with us!" Lavi and Lenalee said. "Why would I do that?!" He growled at them.

"Kanda just go with them please." I said smiling at him. "Why aren't you coming with us?" He said looking at me. I smiled at hi and the said "I have to go do something else."

I was one of the ones that had to get everyone to come to his house and to make sure everything was ready. "Fine." He huffed and went with them. "That should give us about and hour." I thought to myself as I walked off.

I had the perfect gift for him. I hoped. I had spent ages thinking about what to get him. He hadn't actually told me it was his birthday but Lavi and Lenalee told me.

Tonight I was going to ask him why he didn't tell me and I hoped that he liked my gift. I walked to my car and quickly drove over to his house where some other's were waiting outside.

"Okay guys lets get started." We went inside and started cleaning up and decorating. After we finished I heard my cell phone beep. I looked down and saw a text from Lavi and Lenalee.

_On our way. Be there in five minutes or less. _I smiled and looked around the room. "Okay everyone hide! They will be here soon!"

We all hid and waited until Kanda got here. The door opened and when he reached for the light switch we all jumped up and yelled "SUPRISE!"

We were all lucky that Kanda didn't have Mugen with him because we would have been seriously hurt. I smiled when I saw the look on his face.

Then he came over and grabbed my hand, dragging me into his room. No one else had seen him do that so i may die alone.

Then he pinned me to the bed and i felt something wet hit my cheek. He was crying. The great Kanda was crying above me.

"Kanda what's wrong?" I asked him quietly. "I.. No one has celebrated my birthday in years. No one cared enough." I smiled gently and then leaned up and whispered in his ear.

"I care about you. I love you Yuu Kanda." I felt him pull me closer to him. "Why didn't you tell me it was your birthday?" I asked quietly. "I was afraid you would be like everyone else and just push me away." He said, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me.

"I would never do that to you Kanda. I would never do that. You excepted me for me and I love you." He smiled at me and I smiled back. I leaned up and kissed him softly, pulling him down beside me.

Outside the door I could hear the people that we had invited, looking for Kanda. I kissed down his neck and across his collar bone. "We should go. They are already looking for you." I said softly.

He growled and then said, "Later then." I smiled and we both got up, fixing and straightening ourselves up. I opened the door and we both stepped out. Almost instantly Kanda was swallowed up by the crowd.

I sighed. Later it would be. I walked over to the bathroom and opened the door. The sight I saw was scarring. I squeaked and then cleared my throat. "Um guys I have to use the bathroom."

It was Lavi and Lenalee and they were having a very heavy make out session. Lenalee started blushing and Lavi smiled at me. They both stepped out and I turned and locked the door.

I slid down the wall and put my head in my hands. I was so scared that Kanda wouldn't like my gift that I was panicking. I had gotten him a few things but the main thing was something I had made.

I had made him a holder for Mugen his sword. It was gold and metal and it had different charms melted into it. That and I also got him a hair tie for his long beautiful hair. Ehm that's not the point.

I heard a loud noise outside the door and I sighed. I unlocked the door and walked outside, looking around. Everyone was gathered around Kanda. They were all giving him his gifts and they had already cut the cake.

I sighed. I would have to give him my gift soon. I walked back to his bedroom and opened the door silently. I guess I would wait ere for him. He's bound to come here sometime.

I laid down on his bed and looked around his bedroom. When I had been staying with him for a little bit, he had never really let me see his room. Whenever I was here I was too out of it to look at his room.

I saw a flower on the table side and it looked like a lotus flower. They were said to be the flowers that lasted forever. "I wonder why he has this." I thought to myself.

I yawned. "Man I must have been more tired than I thought. Maybe a little nap won't hurt." I thought to myself, closing my eyes and curling into Kanda's sheets.

**Kanda****'s Point of View**

I was surrounded by too many people. This was one of the reasons why I never told anyone it was my birthday. "I love you Yuu Kanda." Agh! That's all that's going through my head right now.

All I can think about is what Allen said earlier. I had lost him in the crowd of people and I was still trying to find him. I saw a glimpse of him as he walked down the hallway of my house.

I shoved my way through the crowd and walked to my room. I turned and locked the door behind me, sighing. Today was a very long day. That's when I saw Allen.

He was curled up on my bed with the sheets wrapped around him. I turned away. "Control Kanda. Control." He was just too cute. Then I heard him say my name. "K-Kanda. Please don't go."

"Damn it why! Why are you testing me god's above?" I thought silently to myself. I sat down next to him and the next thing I knew he had his arms wrapped around me.

"Mhmm Kanda. I have a… present for you." He said sleepily. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, smiling sheepishly at me. "Sorry I fell asleep waiting for you." He stretched his arms above his head and his shirt lifted up slightly.

I turned away gulping. I heard rustling and then something landed on my lap and his arms wrapped around me. "Happy Birthday Yuu." He said softly. I looked down and picked up the thing that was in my lap.

I opened the box and gasped. There, sitting in the tissue was a beautiful sheath for my sword. There was also a hair tie. I handed the hair tie to him and said, "Would you put my hair up?" He smiled and nodded, gently taking my hair in his hands.

I felt him run his hands through my hair and then he put my hair up. I turned around and laid him on the bed. I started to kiss him tenderly, struggling to restrain myself. "Thank you Allen." He pulled away and smiled.

"I hope you like the gifts. I made the sheath myself." I smiled a little bit. Then I leaned down and kissed him again. "Has Cross left you alone?" I asked quietly, wrapping my arms around him.

"Yes. He hasn't really been home so I'm okay." He said snuggling into me. I leaned closer to his ear and whispered quietly "Would you stay with me tonight?" His eye's widened and then he nodded, smiling slightly.

"This may have been the best birthday I had ever had." I thought to myself as I moved closer to Allen, kissing him gently. **(I****'ll let you imagine what happens next ;) **

**Caring?**

_I know I said a while ago. _

_I need you here, and I need a home._

_I may be selfish, I do not care._

_So please just stay here, don't leave, please care. _

_You're the first to notice me. _

_And now that you're here, I think I will be,_

_A better person, I'll have a real family. I think I'll live on._

_So please keep on caring, and please don't ask why._

_I might be slowly caring._

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**I****'m soooooo sorry guys. :P I have been so busy its not even funny. Sad news guys. :( This story may end soon. Review and let me know your thoughts! Thanks for reading!**


	14. Fourth of July!

**Hey guys! So I decided to do a chapter for Fourth of July! Enjoy and Review with any ideas please!**

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**Red, White, and Blue**

_Red is for the blood that spilt upon the earthen ground._

_White is for the flag they raised, they gave up and moved out._

_Blue is for the tears that fell from both sides on that day._

_Together the colors on our flag commemorate that day._

_So everyday we should salute the soldiers that have died._

_Not just on Independence day, salute the soldiers now._

_The blood that stained the white, white flag, the sky was blue that day._

_And that is why the flag is colored with red, white and blue._

_Remember why they call it Independence Day._

**Allen's Point of View**

Nothing ever goes right for me. This year Master decided that he wanted to celebrate with me. I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that he wanted to be with me. He had gotten much better I guess.

Sometimes he hits me but not often. After Kanda's birthday we had all decided that we were going to meet up for fourth of July. None of my friends know where I work yet though.

I sighed as I closed my notebook. I was sitting at the front desk of the tattoo shop. No one had come in yet and I was super bored. Then I caught a glimpse of long blue hair.

"Crap. That can't be Kanda." I thought to myself. I quickly grabbed my sweatshirt and sunglasses and covered my face. He walked in and came to the front desk, looking around.

"Hey! Welcome to Tattoo arts. How may I help you?" I said, making sure my voice sounded lower than normal. He turned toward me. "I was wondering if I could get a tattoo of a lotus flower."

I nodded. "Right this way sir." I said, standing up and walking to the back where there was the tattoo station. "Fou must have planned this." I thought to myself.

"Do I... know you?" Kanda asked me. I turned away, pretending to do something else. "No I don't think so." I said, turning back toward him.

"Where do you want it?" I asked, starting up the needle. He smirked and pulled his shirt off and I tried not to fall over. "Right here." He said, pointing to the left side of his collar bone.

I gulped. In order for me to do the tattoo I would have to straddle him. Not that I minded but I had to keep this a secret from him. I'm not even sure why I was keeping it a secret. Maybe I was afraid of him rejecting me.

"Um sir in order for me to do the tattoo I would have to straddle your waist. Don't you have a girlfriend sir?" I asked him, wanting to see what he would say. "Oh that's fine. Go ahead." **(He came in a 2:00! This is not the actual thing btw :P)**

Internally I sighed. "Okay sir." I straddled his waist and started on the tattoo. "I wonder what this flower means to him." I thought to myself as I finished the outline.

As I finished the tattoo I looked at Kanda who had his eyes closed. "Sir your tattoo is done." I said, quickly getting off of him. "Thank you. How much do I own you?" He asked me, pulling his shirt on.

"Lets see. I believe $200 is enough." He nodded and pulled out his wallet. He handed me the bill. "By the way I've been meaning to ask. Do I know you from somewhere?" I gulped and looked down.

"No I don't think so. I've never seen you before." He nodded and left and I breathed a sigh of relief. He almost caught me...

**Kanda's Point of View**

"I know I've seen him somewhere before but I can't put my finger on it." I thought to myself as I left the tattoo shop. I had finally decided to keep my promise to her.

Years ago, my sister, Natalie, had been taken from us. Just before she died, she asked me to do something for her. "Big Brother? Will you remember me? Find a way to keep my Lotus flower alive okay?"

I decided that the best way to keep her flower alive and with me was to get a tattoo. I put my hand over my shoulder, where the lotus flower was. "I'll never forget you little sister." I thought to myself as I walked to my car.

I pulled out my phone and looked at the time. It was almost 4:00 in the afternoon and Allen was almost out of work. We had all decided to meet up and have a little Fourth of July party.

I was only going so I could see Allen. This was our earlier conversation... **Earlier that day...** _"Hey Kanda! Do you want to shoot off fireworks tonight?" Allen asked excitedly._

_I sighed. "What time?" I asked tiredly and watched as Allen brightened up. "Really!? You'll come?!" I nodded, already regretting the answer to his questions._

_"Well I get off work at 4:15 so how about we meet up a Lavi's at 5:00?" He asked me smiling. He looked happier these days. I was just glad that he was okay now._

_"Sure whatever." He wrapped his arms around me tightly and I felt my face heat up. "W-What are you doing?" I asked him. He looked up at me and smiled._

_"Thanks Kanda. See you later." Then he let me go and walked off._

**Back to the present time...**

I sighed. What had I gotten myself into.

**Allen's Point of View**

Finally done with work. "Bye Fou! Have a nice weekend!" I yelled back to her as I grabbed my things. "You too sweetie! Take care of that hot boy of yours okay?"

I blushed. "Whatever!" I called back, smiling slightly. I hopped into my car and smiled again. "I get to see Kanda again!" I quickly went home and opened the door.

"Master I'm home!" I walked in and put my stuff on the chair. I walked into the kitchen and looked around, seeing a piece of paper on the counter.

_Dear Allen,_

_Gone out with some friends. Be back later tonight. Don't stay out late or else._

_Yours truly _

_Cross Marian_

I sighed. Guess I'm safe again huh? I grabbed my coat and went outside to my car. Just as I got into my car, my phone rang. "Hello?" "Hey Allen buddy! Where are ya?"

"Oh I'm coming right now." "Better hurry cause Kanda is here waiting. We don't want him to be mad." "Shut it." I hung up and smiled. Oh well I still get to see Kanda!

**At Lavi's house...**

"Hey guys!" I said smiling and sitting down next to Kanda and Lenalee. "So is Lavi the one lighting the fireworks tonight?" I asked, snuggling into Kanda's side.

I was still wondering about his tattoo and what it meant to him, but right now I was worrying about our safety. "Yeah! He's great at this kind of thing." Lenalee said smiling.

I smiled and nodded, turning towards Kanda. "And how are you today?" I said, leaning up and kissing him. He smiled slightly at me. Kanda, though cold hearted, has a soft heart for me.

That half smile was only for me to see. "I'm better now that I have you in my arms." He said, leaning down and kissing me softly. "Can we do something?" I asked, my eyes glittering.

"Sure. What is it?" I stood and and grabbed his hand, pulling him along with me. I walked over to where the sparklers were and grabbed two of them.

"Here." I said, and I handed him a lit one. "Now lets dance with them!" I said laughing as I twirled around with one in my hand. Kanda frowned. "How?"

"Like this!" I said, taking his hand and twirling with him. "See? Isn't this fun?" I laughed and spun around again, then I yelled, "Catch me!" I fell backwards and closed my eyes.

When I opened them I saw Kanda's cobalt eyes looking at me. "That was cute Allen." He said, leaning closer and kissing me softly. I leaned up and kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Happy Fourth of July Kanda." I said quietly. "Happy Fourth of July." He whispered back, kissing me again.

**Joy**

_Joy is something I've never had._

_I don't really find it as something bad. _

_I would have hoped to see something good._

_And now that I have I'm happy, I'm good._

_You are my joy, you make me smile._

_You are the reason that I have to smile. _

_If this is joy, then please let it stay._

_Stay by my side, until the say I lie._

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**Happy Fourth of July! Review!**


	15. The Tattooed Memory (Warning)

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews! I'm glad you liked the chapter. I hope you like this one as well! Oh Crownsnight66! More about Natalie to come :P Maybe a kitten? Thanks :P**

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**The Past**

_The past is something that's a part of me._

_It's keeping me alive._

_I know that I shouldn't look back, but I do, I see the lies._

_The past includes the future. Its weird I know but true._

_The past is something I hold dear, but what is it to you?_

**Allen's Point of View**

I was sitting at work writing again. When I think of something to write I just have to write it down. Once its on paper, I usually forget it. I don't even know how I came up with that poem just now.

I guess it was because I was thinking about Kanda. The tattoo he had gotten must have meant something to him. I wanted to ask him about it but I was afraid. Afraid he would leave me if he knew where I worked.

I was afraid of being alone. I heard the door open and I looked up from my notebook. "Hey Fou." I said smiling. "Hey Doll. What's wrong?" I sighed. She was one of the one's that could see through my mask.

"Kanda. He came in and got a tattoo of a Lotus flower. I don't know what it means." Fou nodded. "I think you should just tell him where you work. I think he'll understand." I sighed and rested my head on the desk.

"I have and idea! Just a second." Fou said, looking around and then grabbing my cell phone. "Fou! What are you doing?!" I said, scrambling to grab my phone. She smiled wickedly at me and showed me the phone.

She had pulled up Kanda's phone number. I tried to grab the phone from her but she dodged me. "I'll fire you if you touch me!" She yelled, and I stopped short. She smiled at me and put the phone to her ear.

Here's the conversation between them…**(Bold is Kanda and** _Italic is Fou.)_

**"Hello?"**

_"Hi I'm Allen's boss Fou."_

**"Okay. What do you want? Did something happen?" **Kanda sounded slightly panicked.

_"Oh no he's fine. Sorta. Anyways. Would you come to his work? He's a bit afraid that you'll leave him if you know where he works." _There was a pause.

**"Alright. Where do I go?" **

_"Where you got your tattoo." _

Then she hung up. I glared at her. "What the heck do you mean by "Come to his work." I said, grabbing my phone and closing it. "Oh nothing. He'll be here in fifth-teen or less." She said, smiling and walking away.

"Crap, Crap, crap I hate my life." I thought to myself as I sat back down at the desk. **15 minutes later...**

I had my head in my hands when I heard the door open. I groaned and looked up, seeing a handsome man with long hair.  
"Hey Kanda." I said, looking down.

"Allen. Why did you think I would leave you?" I gulped. "I guess I'm just afraid you would leave me alone. I'm not even sure why." He smiled at me and came closer, wrapping his arms around me.

"You don't need to worry about me leaving. I promise to always be with you, whether here in person or in your heart." He said, kissing me gently.

"Awww. You guys are so cute!" I blushed and buried my head in Kanda's shoulder. "Hi you must be Allen's boyfriend Kanda. His descriptions didn't do you justice." Fou said smiling at Kanda.

Kanda smirked at me and said "So you talk about me?" I stuck my tounge out at him. "Whatever. Kanda this is my boss Fou and Fou this is my boyfriend Kanda." They shook hands and Fou smiled.

"I told you so Allen." Then she walked away. "What was that about?" Kanda said, turning towards me. "Oh nothing. So now that you're here do you want to stay a little bit? I'm almost out of work."

He nodded and pulled up a chair. "So you were the one who gave me my tattoo?" He asked, smirking. "Yes. I've been meaning to ask about it, Why did you get a Lotus flower?"

His expression changed slightly. "I...made a promise to my little sister Natalie." I brightened. "You have a sister?!" He smiled sadly at me. "No. She died of Cancer a few years ago."

"She was about 12 years old when she died. I was about 15. She said this to me. "Hey big brother? Will you keep my Lotus flower alive somehow? Remember me okay?" Then she smiled and closed her eyes. That was the last time I saw my parents."

He looked so sad. I smiled softly at him and wrapped my arms around him. "I understand. I got a tattoo for my foster father Mana." He smiled at me and kissed me gently. "Where is it?"

I smirked at him. "I guess you'll have to find out later.

**Later at Kanda's House...**

"So its later." I said backing Kanda into a wall. "True." He said, leaning down and kissing me. He picked me up bridal style and laid me down on the couch, kissing up my neck and across my jaw.

I fisted my hands in his hair, pulling him closer to me. I slipped my hands under his shirt, running my hands across his stomach. Kanda pulled back and smirked at me. "Someone's eager."

To answer that I reached up and pulled his shirt over his head. "Shut up and kiss me." I smashed my mouth to his, flipping us over so I was on top. I leaned sown and kissed across his new tattoo.

Just to be mean, I flicked my tounge across it. He groaned and grabbed my waist. "Mmmmh that new tattoo makes you look hot." I said as I kissed sown his stomach.

Then I was being flipped over and Kanda was tugging my shirt over my head. "My turn." He growled, kissing down my chest. The scars on my chest had almost disappeared, but they would still remind me of my past.

Then there was a banging on the front door. "Yuuuuu-channnn! Are you home?! I'm coming in!" Kanda growled. I smiled evilly. "Let him see us. Who cares?" Kanda smirked at me and leaned down, tracing my tattoo with his tounge.

**Lavi's Point of View...**

"Yuuuu-channnn! Are you home?! I'm coming in!" I heard a growl and smiled. Then I walked in. What I saw will never be unseen. I felt my nose start to gush blood. Then I passed out...

**Allen's Point of View...**

"I suppose we have to clean up." I said, looking down at Lavi's bleeding face. "Che whatever." Kanda said, crossing his arms over his bare chest...

**Tattoo's**

_Tattoos mean something._

_Something good or something bad._

_Tattoos give you attitude, sometimes make you sad._

_Tattoos are just memories, all spelled out in ink._

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**Hey guys! How's the chapter? What is Allen's tattoo? I think this chapter is one of my favorites. :) Review!**


	16. Timcanpy the cat

**Hey guys! I'm glad you like the story! Review**! **And Crowsnight66 :P This chapter is for you!**

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**Troubled Happiness**

_Happiness comes in all different forms._

_From a person, to a creature that walks on all fours._

_Maybe its troublesome but nobody cares,_

_Because troubled happiness, is alone, only theirs._

_Troubled happiness is so much fun._

_Do you have troubled happiness?_

_Is it real? Is it fun?_

**Kanda's Point of View…**

It was a rainy day and I had just gotten off of work. I worked at a bar just out of town. Allen of course had never asked so i hadn't said anything. I knew that he was going to ask sometime. I sighed and looked back outside, hoping the rain would stop, or let up.

I hated it when my hair got wet. I hadn't thought to bring and umbrella because it had been sunny this morning. I sighed and got up, deciding that I might as well walk home, seeing as though the rain wouldn't stop.

As I started walking I noticed something odd. There, in the middle of the road, sitting in the rain, was an orange and white cat. "What the heck?! I thought cats hated water!" I thought as I watched it roll through a puddle.

I shook my head and carried on, past the weird cat. As I got to my house I noticed that the cat I had seen earlier was at my door, licking its paws. "Go away Baka Neko." I said, slipping my combat boots off.

The cat came closer and meowed, rubbing against my leg. I felt a vein pop out of my forehead. "Che what do you want!?" The cat meowed again and walked toward the door.

I sighed. "Baka Neko. You know who you remind me of? Allen." I sighed and picked up the cat, bringing him inside. The cat rubbed its face against mine and I sighed again. "I suppose you can stay. No one will know of this alright?"

The cat rubbed against my face again. "I guess I have to name you huh? Do you have a name?" I picked up the cat and looked at its collar. "Timcanpy huh?" The cat meowed again. "Well just stay out of trouble."

I set Timcanpy down and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed some soba noodles and started boiling some water. I turned around when I heard the phone ring. "Hello?" "Hey Kanda! I was wondering if you had any plans for dinner?"

Allen said from the other side of the phone. "Yeah I just started making…CRASH!" I turned around and saw Tim, as I will now call him, sitting in the pot of boiling water. "Um Kanda? What was that?"

I was beyond angry. "Just a second. " I said, setting the phone down. "Baka! Get out of the water! I was making food! It's not your bath tub!" I said, coming over and grabbing Tim.

Tim was pretty proud of himself at this point. "Baka Neko." I said, muttering to myself. I set him down on my bed saying, "Stay here and don't make a mess." I walked back to the phone, picking it up.

"Kanda? Are you okay? What just happened?" I walked over to the water, which now had cat hair in it. "Nothing. Something just fell. I'm not doing anything for dinner why?" I said, picking up the pot of water and dumping it into the sink.

"Well I was kinda lonely so I was wondering if we could go on a double date?" I smiled slightly. "Che whatever." I said in a gruff voice. "Yay! So Lenalee and Lavi are coming. Meet us at The Demons Place in 15 minutes okay?" Allen said brightly.

"Okay. Bye." I said, putting the phone down. "First I need to get out of these wet clothes." I thought to myself as I walked to my room. I grabbed my coat, after I had changed my clothes. "Hmm this is heavier than I thought."

I thought to myself, pulling it on and walking outside. It had stopped raining so I decided to walk to the cafe. When I go there I saw Allen. He turned around and wrapped his arms around me.

"Hey Kanda! I'm glad you came!" I smiled slightly and leaned down, kissing him softly. "Hey Yuu-chan!" Lavi said smiling. "Don't call me that Baka." I growled, sitting down next to Allen.

Allen smiled and grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers under the table. "So you're all probably wondering why I called you here." Lavi said, putting his arm around Lenalee.

"Hey Allen-chan can you go get me some water please?" Lavi said looking at Allen. Allen smiled and nodded "Okay sure. I'll be right back." I watched the way his hips swayed as he walked away. "What is it baka?" I said, leaning back and glaring at him.

"Aww Yuu-chan. Why so mean? Its about Allen's upcoming birthday. We decided that we are going to throw him a surprise party." Lavi said smiling. My eyes widened slightly. I had almost forgotten that his birthday was in a week.

**(Kanda****'s birthday was June 3rd. Allen's birthday is July 21st! Any of you born on these days?) **He had told me when his birthday was… **A few weeks earlier****…. **_"Yeah my birthday's coming up! I'm going to be 18 years old!" I laughed slightly. "What!? What's so funny?!" I laughed again. "Nothing. I just think you're so cute Moyashi." He pouted. "I'm not a Moyashi." "Not a Moyashi but my Moyashi." I said,pulling him closer and ruffling his hair. He laughed. "Kanda!"….. _**Back to present day****…**

"So when and where?" I asked, looking back at Lavi and Lenalee. "Well we decided that because Allen doesn't like huge crowds the we could have a party at my dad's um mansion." Lenalee said blushing slightly.

"Who will be there?" I asking, seeing Allen coming towards us. "Well us and you and maybe his Master? Any one you have in mind Kanda?" I nodded. "I know his boss will want to come and you guys can invite others."

"Okay cool." Lavi said smiling. Allen cam back and sat down, grabbing my hand. "I'm starving guys lets eat." He said grabbing the menu. "Kanda do you want some soba noddles?" He asked, turning towards me.

"Che whatever." I said gruffly. Allen smiled and leaned towards me, kissing me on the cheek. "Aww you guys are too cute!" Lenalee said, squealing. That's when I felt my pocket move.

I turned away from the other and looked into my pocket. There in my pocket, was little Tim, who blinked at me. "Meow?" "Um Kanda? What was that?" I gulped. "Um nothing. I just have to go to the bathroom."

I quickly got up and went to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door. **(Tim is a kitten by the way. Continue on) **"Tim! What are you doing here!?" He looked at me as if to say "Who me?"

I felt a vein pop out of my forehead again. "You are just like Allen." He rubbed against my hand and I sighed, scratching behind his ears. He purred slightly. "I don't think I can stay mad at you."

I said, sitting down and picking Tim up. "You have to stay quiet okay?" Tim jumped up and crawled into my pocket, snuggling into it. "I guess you can stay there. Just as long as no one finds out." I thought to myself as I walked to the table.

"Everything okay Kanda?" Allen asked worriedly. "Yeah. I'm fine." I said, sitting down and wrapping my arm around Allen. "I got you some soba noddles okay?" I nodded. "Hey Allen do you play any instruments?"

I was interested to know the answer to Lavi's question as well. "Um yeah I kind of play piano and guitar and I sing a little bit." I remembered when I overheard him singing in the shower.

"That's so cool! Will you sing for us sometime?" Allen blushed slightly. "Well I'm not very good so…" I shook my head. "I don't know about him playing the guitar or playing the piano but he's a really good singer."

I said looking at him. I watched as his face turned red. "I-Idiot! Don't say stuff like that!" I smirked and reached over, resting my hands on his cheeks. "My Allen why so flushed?" His face turned even more red.

"K-Kanda!" I leaned over and whispered into his ear. "Here. Let me cool you off." I leaned over and kissed him. "Mphm Kanda! We're in public!" Allen said, his blush growing.

I smirked and pulled back, looking at Lenalee and Lavi. Lenalee had her camera out and she was video taping. "Yay! Yullen! I love it!" She said squealing. "And what is Yullen?" I asked, smirking. "Oh its a couple name. Yuu plus Allen equals Yullen!"

I nodded. When the food got there we all started eating. "Man they have good food here." Lavi said, taking a swig of his drink. "I agree. How's your soba Kanda?" Allen asked me.

I smirked. I picked up some noddles and put them in my mouth, leaning over and kissing Allen. "Here try some. How is it?" I looked at him and saw him blush again. "Its good." He said smiling shyly at me. "I think I might rape him here and now." I thought to myself.

Lenalee had her camera out again. "Well we should go." Allen said, after we had finished eating. "Would you like to come over to my house?" I asked him quietly. "Sure!" He said smiling. "I walked here so did you drive?"

I asked as we walked outside. "Yeah do you want a ride?" Allen asked me as we got to his car. "Nah. I'll walk." I said smirking at him. He stuck his tongue out at me and said "Okay. I'll meet you there."

**Glitch**

_There__'s a glitch in the program, Its broken they say._

_But it's not, it's not is what I want to say._

_Its the same with us humans._

_We all get thrown away._

_Because one glitch is found within us_

_Then we are tossed out in the trash._

_So no one lasts_

_Because we all have glitches, no matter how long you last._

_So live like it's your last._

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	17. The first nightmare

**Hey guys thanks for reading! Review!**

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**Forget**

_To forget the past is easy, but to live, it is hard._

_I can't help but notice, all of my mistakes._

_Nothing I do turns out right, I'm a mess, so I forget._

_I forget all the lies that I put up, I forget something for the day._

_I hope to forget by the end of the day. _

_I don't understand, I run out of fright._

_I'm lucky to forget both day and night._

**Allen's Point of View…**

When I got to Kanda's house I saw him at the front door, waiting for me. I smiled and walked up the steps. Kanda turned and opened the door, motioning me inside.

"Can we watch movie?!" I looked at Kanda, and thought I saw him smile. "Che whatever you want." I pouted. "But Kandaaaa! I want you to watch it with me."

I knew that he hated watching movies, but honestly, we never had time for each other anymore. He sighed, seeing that he wasn't going to get out of this.

"Fine. What do you want to watch?" I bounced on the couch. "Hmm I don't know. Oh maybe we should watch the new anime I started. Its called D-Grayman."

He nodded and I grabbed the remote, turning it on. **(Ha ha okay so I had to add this. Same characters, a little bit different and different names.) **

"I think that Kana is just like you." Kanda sat next to me and smirked. "What kind of name in Kana?" I pouted. "He's a samurai." I pulled my feet up under me and we began to watch.

**A few hours later…. **I yawned and looked outside. "Crap its really late!" I thought to myself. I looked around and noticed that Kanda was gone. He walked back into the room, looking at me.

"Finally awake? Do you want to stay the night? I really don't want you to drive at night. Remember what happened last time?" I gulped and nodded, remembering my accident.

"Sure! I'll stay out here on the couch but I don't have any dry clothes." **Earlier during the "movie"… **_"Kanda do you have any water?" I asked quietly. "Yeah. It's in the kitchen." I nodded and got up, walking into the kitchen._

_When I tried the sink, it sprayed me all over, leaving me soaking wet…. _**Back to the present… **He laughed quietly. I pouted up at him. "Alright just a second." He said, smiling slightly and going down the hall to his room.

He came back with one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers. "Here. I know that my pants won't fit you." I smiled and nodded. He walked into the kitchen and I quickly changed.

I was sitting on the couch when he came in. "M-Moyashi?!" I looked up at him and tilted my head. I watched as his face turned red and he covered his mouth.

"What is it? Do I look bad?" He shook his head and came closer to me. He sat down next to me and then he leaned over and kissed me. "No you look cute."

I blushed. His clothes were super baggy on my skinny frame and he still thought I was cute. "Goodnight Kanda." I said, leaning up and kissing him. He smiled at me and went sown to his room.

**IN ALLEN'S DREAM….. MWHAHAHAHAHA…OKAY…CONTINUE ON….**

_I was in the house with Kanda when we heard the door slam open. He leaned over and kissed me gently. Master walked in more drunk than usual._

_"So I see you got yourself a little girlfriend huh?" Kanda glared at him. "Oh she's and guy? Ha you're worse than I am you slut." He said, grabbing a knife and stabbing Kanda with it in the heart._

_"I'll always love you Allen. Even if you stab me in the heart." I looked down and saw his blood on my hands. I was holding the knife. I watched as he fell over, slowly dying…._

I woke up screaming. I stopped and jumped up, tears streaming down my face. I had to see if he was okay, if he was alive. I ran down the hallway and slammed open his door.

I watched as he sat up, looking around. "Allen? What's wrong?" I started crying harder and I jumped on him. I started kissing him, something desperate in my kisses.

He pulled back, looking at my shaking body. He wrapped his arms around me. "I-I killed you with a-a k-knife." I said, still shaking, "Its okay. I'm right here."

He pulled the covers over us, turning to face me. He intertwined our legs and I stopped shaking slowly but surely. "Will you sing Lullaby by Nickelback for me?" He smiled gently at me.

"Sure.

Well, I know the feeling

Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge  
And there ain't no healing  
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge  
I'm telling you that, it's never that bad  
Take it from someone who's been where you're at  
Laid out on the floor  
And you're not sure you can take this anymore

So just give it one more try to a lullaby  
And turn this up on the radio  
If you can hear me now  
I'm reaching out  
To let you know that you're not alone  
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell  
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone  
So just close your eyes  
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby

Please let me take you  
Out of the darkness and into the light  
'Cause I have faith in you  
That you're gonna make it through another night  
Stop thinking about the easy way out  
There's no need to go and blow the candle out  
Because you're not done  
You're far too young  
And the best is yet to come

So just give it one more try to a lullaby  
And turn this up on the radio  
If you can hear me now  
I'm reaching out  
To let you know that you're not alone  
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell  
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone  
So just close your eyes  
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby

Well, everybody's hit the bottom  
Everybody's been forgotten  
When everybody's tired of being alone  
Yeah, everybody's been abandoned  
And left a little empty handed  
So if you're out there barely hanging on...

Just give it one more try to a lullaby  
And turn this up on the radio  
If you can hear me now  
I'm reaching out  
To let you know that you're not alone  
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell  
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone  
So just close your eyes  
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby  
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby."

I smiled softly and fell asleep in his arms. **IN THE MORNING….. **I woke up to a tail in my face. I opened my eyes and looked down in front of me, seeing my cat Tim sitting in a nest of Kanda's hair.

"Tim! Where have you been?!" He stretched and meowed quietly as though not to wake Kanda. "So he found you huh? Did he say you were just like me? And you were probably getting into his pot of water huh?"

Tim purred when I scratched behind his ears. I looked over at Kanda and smiled. I laid back down and watched him sleep. He looked so free and relaxed. I tangled my hand in his hair.

I watched as his face changed into a soft smile. "I love you Kanda." I whispered quietly. The only ones that heard were Tim and I…..

**Firsts…**

_There are first for many things, like going with the wind._

_First love, first kiss, first everything._

_There's that one person that loves you no matter how many monsters you have. _

_For me, that's a first. Its never happened before._

_I hope to spend a life time of firsts._

_I hope that I will live that long. _

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	18. Feelings of a girlAN

**Hey guys. This isn't really a chapter. I decided to write my feelings today. What do you think? I don't need any reviews its fine. I just had to write this. This is what keeps me alive :)**

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I hate this. I hate how you care. I hate it. Its dumb and I cant handle it. I don't even know why but I freak out every time you say something nice. I cant help it.

im like this because of everyone around me. no one even cares that I am falling into a pit of despair right before their very eyes. no I do not cry because I am sad.

I cry because I cannot see why you care. im falling and im losing air so fast right now its not even funny. I cant help but hate myself for what I have become.

you don't understand what this is. what I am who I am is not even human anymore. I want to kill myself but I have no courage to do so. I cant even stop it from happening to me.

I don't even understand what im doing anymore. every time I see you, I pause and think about how you could care for someone like me. I think I have depression.

I don't even know anymore. I cant stop the thoughts running through my head. sometimes I think about what life would be like if I was dead.

would everyone I met be happier? now that im gone? I honestly don't care anymore. I love my mom and even though I don't act like it I do.

im just afraid that she will hurt me again, call me dramatic for saying things like this. she hates me and I know it. so does my sister. she hates me.

like really hates me and I cant help but see that maybe if I went away she would be happier. the real me? I don't even know who that is anymore.

who is that girl standing there. so I really care when I say I do? or am I lying. I cant even tell the real from the fake anymore.

what am I? am I even human? I cant even tell anymore. im trying to run away as fast as I can because this is hard for me.

this is hard for me to take some one as amazing and sweet as you caring for a creature like me. its making me go insane.

I cant cry anymore because im supposed to be the strong one, the one that helps others. who told me that again? oh yeah. everyone in my life.

you cant cry. its a lie I promise you have to be the strong one. helping others is what I do. I have so many walls its not even funny.

you think the outside of me is crazy? the small part I have shown you? the inside of me is a deep dark place that cant be reached at all.

im trying to pull out of the darkness I swear its true. I freaking out right now. im having a heart attack. I think dying would be fun.

what would you think if I told you that? I can't think straight. in my heart is a little girl, crying crying all alone scared out of her mind.

I don't have the courage to kill myself so don't worry. i'll still be here suffering in this world that hate, something that cause me to feel sick to my stomach.

how did I end up this way? how do I survive through every day? I cant make it unless I have music. music is my drug and the one thing keeping me some what sane.

there are things I don't understand. why did my dad have to move here and meet his new girlfriend? why does my moim hit me?

why am I the only one suffering? my sister wont say a thing about it. she wont talk about it so I have to suffer alone. I hate this.

I hate all of it but I cant stop it because I don't have the power. I have no power what so ever. I have nothing in this world so I will suffer alone and I cant stop the pain because im going insane and I don't even care anymore.

let me talk with all my fancy words that no one sees and no one's heard I cant escape the devil now hes pulling me in. Im gonna die hopefully soon.

why was it me and why was I made this way? why do I use my words this way? what is wrong with me? I cant help but feel like im falling.

Im falling off the edge of a huge cliff. At the bottom is a huge dark pit and I keep falling and falling and falling. I cant stop the pain.

Its really starting to drive me insane. Im alone in the house or on the computer but it doesn't matter. im alone. im forever alone.

I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I cant escape unless I go off to school. I need to get out of this dumb state. I need to leave.

I need a break from all the pain. I really need a hug right now. I cant tell you why. you know why I hate being touched?

because im afraid you're all going to hurt me. just like her. just like my mother. I don't want that. I don't want to be like her.

its harder than it looks to live in the same house as her. I hate it. I stay alone with the music that is slowly killing me, though I think its giving me peace.

its not good for me and it makes it hard for me to breathe. why do I do it? because I think that maybe one of these times I will die in my sleep.

maybe my heart will race too fast and then i'll die, so I wont have to hurt anyone anymore. I hate it so I run. I fake my smiles and my attitude so that you'll leave.

you really want to know me? no that's what I thought. you're making me think these stupid thoughts. Can I write? really this is how I use my words?

Is this the way I wanted it to be? No not really. I can never be truly happy. that's what I always think to myself. maybe today my life will end.

Maybe today the pain will end...


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